He’d been sitting in the lot for about half an hour, breathing the muggy evening air and trying to build up his nerve, when the glass door of the building opened and Cade came outside. He was wearing his running clothes and he looked calm and normal. He glanced around casually and then saw the Mustang.
He barely missed a beat. He made brief eye contact with Aiden, then sketched a brief nod, as if they were nothing more than acquaintances. And then he turned and jogged away, slow and relaxed like he always was at the start of a run.
Aiden stared after him. That was it? That was all? Cade was just going for a run? He was acting as if this was any other day?
Aiden had no idea what it meant. He was tempted to run after Cade, to grab him and shake him and demand answers to questions Aiden hadn’t even managed to ask. Or maybe to the questions Aidenhadasked, about how many men Cade had been with and whether he’d enjoyed it….
No. Aiden didn’t want to hear those answers.
But there was no point hiding in the car anymore, at least. Cade usually ran for at least an hour, and apparently Cade had seen no reason to change his routine for this occasion. So Aiden had some time. He headed up the stairs to their third-floor apartment and was tempted to crawl into bed. He had nice clean sheets waiting for him, and he could pull them up over his head and go to sleep and maybe he would wake up and find that this whole mess was a dream.
Maybe he couldpretendit was just a dream. If he didn’t mention it, if he went on with his life as if it hadn’t happened, would Cade play along? Probably. Cade had been pretending since he’d met Aiden, so there was no reason to think he wouldn’t keep doing it.
It was tempting. Maybe if Aiden’s parents hadn’t known. If Cade and Aiden hadn’t come home from the cottage early. If Aiden was better at lying.
But he wasn’t. So he sat on the couch and stared at the wall and tried not to think. He didn’t want to remember the innocent joy he’d taken from making this apartment into a home for himself and Cade. It had been so sweet at the time, but now it was bitter.
And Cade? Cade was exercising. Apparently that was more important than talking to Aiden.
Yeah, those weren’t thoughts that Aiden wanted to be having. He leaned back into the sofa cushions and tried to relax. Cade would be back eventually. And when he arrived, Aiden needed to be ready.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Cade wasgone for almost two hours, much longer than his usual run. And when the door finally opened, so tentatively it was almost sneaky, Cade didn’t seem as sweaty as he normally did after a summer run. He looked like he’d been sitting around, maybe. Like he’d gone for his run and then just waited?
“You’re still here,” he said. His voice was flat, but there was a question buried in the simple words.
“I live here,” Aiden said. “Where else would I go?”
“Oh.” Cade stepped all the way inside and closed the door behind him. “I thought… this isn’t a very nice apartment. Not by your standards. I thought maybe you’d want to move out.”
Aiden stared at him. “What? We just movedin. And you said it was the nicest place you could afford to pay half the rent on.”
Cade frowned, and Aiden was pretty sure his own face would mirror Cade’s expression. They clearly weren’t communicating well.
Aiden stood up. “Do you need water? You usually drink a lot of water after running.”
Cade’s nod was somewhat mechanical, but he obediently followed Aiden to the kitchen and filled a glass from the tap.
“You thought I was going to move out because I was leaving you,” Aiden said. He hadn’t put it together quickly enough, but he’d caught on eventually. Now, though, he wasn’t sure how he felt about it. “You thought… without even talking to you? You thought I’d just go?”
Cade shrugged and didn’t answer for quite a while. He stared out their window toward the street. But Aiden didn’t speak either, and finally Cade said, “That’d be easier, wouldn’t it? I mean, if we have the choice between having a big fight and then you moving out, or you moving out? It’d be nice if you just moved out. Without the fight.”
“Those are the only two options you see?” Aiden was suddenly filled with a restless, frustrated energy, something too big to be contained in their tiny kitchen. He wished he’d gone for a run at the same time Cade had, but now he was stuck with pacing. “What abouthaving a big fight and then mestaying?” He was pretty sure this was an important question. “Do you want to give up? Do you want me gone? Or are you willing to fight for this? Do we mean enough for you to tell me the truth, and fight with me and be mad at me and let me be mad at you?” He locked his hands behind his head and squeezed with his forearms as if trying to keep his brain from exploding under the pressure. “I’ve been fighting for us since the start, Cade, and you’ve been fighting foryou. For what you need and for making yourself feel more safe. And I get that. I understand why you needed to do that. But nowIneed something. I need you to fuckingcare!”
Cade’s eyes were wide. “You think I don’t care?” He was almost sputtering. “I flew to a different country for you and your stupid family! I tried to… I let… I spent three days with that fucker pawing at me, staring at me, and the whole time all I was doing wascaringand trying to figure out some way to save ‘us.’ Some way that wouldn’t make me hate myself so bad I couldn’t stand to be with you.”
“But you couldn’ttellme about it?”
“Ididtell you about it!”
“After three days! No, after how many months? How long’s it been since you could have told me about all this?”
A snarl twisted Cade’s lips. “When I was five, I pushed Carrie Beacock off the slide at the park and she had to get stitches. When I was eight or nine, I did a lot of shoplifting. Stupid stuff. Candy, mostly. When I was a freshman in high school, I let Toby Arnott kiss me and then I pushed him away and called him a fag.” Cade stared at Aiden, his face a hostile mask. “Is this the stuff you want to know? I need to make a full confession before I’m worthy of being with Saint Aiden? Or is it only stuff about sex you want to hear about? You let me know the rules, Aiden, because of courseyourway is therightway. Whatever the precious St. John family does is what everyone else should do too. I’m so lucky you’re here to educate me! Hey, when you’ve got some time, can you tell me the rules about having predatory pervert blackmailers harass your guests at your summer home? ’Cause I’m not sure I’m totally clear on that system yet.”
They stared at each other, both of them breathing as if they’d just finished a marathon. Then Aiden said, “Thank you.”
Cade seemed taken aback, as if he’d been prepared for more fighting, not the start of a truce. “What?” he finally asked.
