Aiden turned to stare at his mother. “Jesus, Mom. What the hell do you know about different kinds of prostitution?”
“More than you, I sincerely hope.”
“Seriously, Mom….”
“I’m on some committees, some boards… we need to know about the people we’re trying to help if we’re going to work with them effectively.”
Aiden thought about it. “You know about generalities,” he finally said. “Or about specific people, butotherspecific people. Not Cade. You don’t know anything about Cade, because you’ve decided not togetto know him. So, no. I’m sorry, but I’m not going to have this conversation with you. You don’t get to talk to me about general theories and ‘physical issues’ and ‘factors,’ as if they matter.Cade’sthe one who matters, and you’ve gone out of your way to avoid getting to know him, so you don’t get to talk to me about him now as if you’re some sort of expert.” He should have had this fight with his mother months ago, but he supposed it was better late than never. And it was nice to be able to focus some of his frustration on something, even if it wasn’t the most appropriate target.
Her knuckles were white again, and they stayed that way for a long time. After more miles than Aiden wanted to count, she finally said, “I love you. I want the best for you.”
“And the best isWill? Or somebody else who fits intoyourlife without any ripples? You don’t care if I feel love or passion, as long as I’m with someone well-behaved? You don’t want me to stretch myself, or ask you to stretch yourself? You don’t want me to step outside of the careful, safe box you’ve been storing me in.” It was all so clear, now. Now that it might be too late. “You don’t want what’s best for me, you want what’seasiestfor me. And for a long time, that’s all I wanted too. I was happy to go with the flow and follow the path everyone wanted me on. And let’s face it, my rebellion is still… I mean, recent revelations aside, my rebellion is pretty damned tame. But it’s not empty, Mom.” This was the part he really needed her to understand. “I’m not having a tantrum. I’m not a rebel without a cause. I’m honestly looking for something more. Something real, something that makes me feel alive.”
She didn’t answer right away, but at least her grip on the steering wheel loosened. Aiden had started to worry that she was going to end up with some sort of repetitive stress injury if she kept it up. Finally she said, “And that’s Cade. The something real. The something that makes you feel alive. You’ve found that in Cade.”
Real. Alive. Confused. Desperate. “Yes. Cade.”
She nodded slowly and pulled out into the passing lane. “Okay. Cade. So, we need to get you to the airport. You need to get home so you can figure things out with him. And then, when things have calmed down, when they’re right for both of you, you should bring him up for a weekend. Or we could all meet somewhere else, on neutral ground.”
Well, that was a little further than Aiden had expected things to go. “So, it’s okay? What he used to do? And is it okay that he didn’t tell me about it? I mean, we’ve been going out for a while, we’reliving togetherand he didn’t tell me about that? Is that okay?”
Her smile showed bitter satisfaction and her voice was sarcastic. “Oh. Is it a little complicated to be involved with someone ‘real’? Are things outside of your careful, safe box a little hard to understand? Oh. Aiden, that’s really too bad. I had no idea that was the way things would be. I was trying to protect you because I’m crazy, not because—”
“Okay,” he interrupted. “I get it. Thanks.”
She smiled, a brief moment of not-that-private victory. Then she glanced over and her expression softened. She was a proud woman and she liked being in control of things. But underneath it all, she was his mom, and she wanted him to be happy. He’d never doubted that.
“You love him,” she said now as she turned her eyes back to the road. “Focus on that. Not to the exclusion of everything else. You need to be able to get along. You need to find a way to build a life together, and if you can’t, you need to walk away. But for now? Focus on the love. When you’re angry or hurt, focus on the love. When you’re feeling calm and secure?That’sthe time to ask the hard questions.” She glanced over and saw his expression, and she smiled again. Apparently the last part of this car ride was becoming quite amusing for her. “Oh, sweetie. You don’t still believe in happily ever after, do you? An end to all conflict and confusion, just resting in endless love and peace? That happens once for every person, at the very end of their life. Up to that point? It’s always in flux. Everything’s always changing, and all we can do is change along with it, trying to adjust, trying to hold on to what’s most important.”
“What? Jesus, Mom, what the hell is this? What happened to all your ‘do the right thing and things will work out, eventually’ shit? You feed me that for twenty-one years, and then—”
“And then you brought home an antisocial ex-prostitute who has you skipping family holidays and avoiding all your friends becauseyou’re spending all your spare time in the library.” She didn’t seem quite so amused anymore, but he didn’t think she was angry, either. “You want an adult relationship, Aiden? It comes with adult complexities. No more of the easy stuff. Not anymore.”
Damn. That wasn’t exactly what he’d been hoping to hear right then. But maybe she was right. Maybe it was time to grow up. Lord knew he was angry and hurt, so maybe it was time for him to focus on the love. He was pretty sure he had enough of that to keep his mind busy for a while.
They drove the rest of the way to the airport in silence. Aiden’s mother dropped him at the departures terminal with a sad smile. “You’re leaving early, so you still owe us some time this summer. If things… you know. If you need somewhere quiet for a while, you should come back up. Your dad’s going home next week, but I’ll be here for the rest of the month.”
“I don’t think Cade’s going to feel real comfortable coming back to the cottage anytime soon,” Aiden said. He knew it wasn’t what his mother meant, but he didn’t want to think about the other option.
The airport nonsense kept him distracted for a while, but when he settled into his seat for the two-hour flight, he had nothing to think about except Cade. He’d be at the apartment by now. Aiden had put fresh sheets on the bed before they left because he liked coming home from a trip and crawling right into a nice clean nest. Would Cade be getting ready for bed? Well, no. It was still only late afternoon, and Chicago was an hour earlier than Toronto. So what would Cade be doing? There was no studying in the summertime. He’d taken the whole week off his job as a research assistantandhis job as a waiter. And Aiden wasn’t there to hang out with. So what would Cade be doing?
Aiden hadn’t expected the flash that came to him, the image of Cade on a street corner somewhere, ragged jeans and too-small tank top, bending over to look in the window of a car that slowed in front of him. He hadn’t expected the picture and he didn’t want it. But apparently that didn’t matter, because now the man in his imagination was Warren. Never mind that Warren had still been at the cottage when he’d left. Aiden’s imagination didn’t seem to care about that sort of detail.
He could see it now, Warren and Cade in a hotel room somewhere. Nowhere too nice. Nowhere Warren might run into someone he knew. Warren shut the door and stood right by it, waitingto see that Cade wasn’t going to bolt. Then he smiled the same dangerous grin he’d shown Aiden on the deck, and he moved forward. He pulled off his belt as he went.
“I’m flying home from my parents’ cottage,” Aiden blurted out to the surprised young woman sitting next to him. “We live in Chicago. How ’bout you?”
She squinted a little before cautiously saying, “I live in Toronto. Traveling on business.” Then she opened her laptop, a clear signal that she wasn’t looking for conversation.
Aiden had blown his chance at having a distraction. He should have been smoother, calmer. He could have gotten the woman to talk to him, for sure. He was good at that sort of thing. He’d draggedCadeout of his shell, after all….
And then he was back to thinking about Cade. The flight was torture.
He took a cab from the airport to his parents’ house to pick up the Mustang, fidgeting all the way, and when he was finally back behind the wheel, he drove too fast all the way down to West Lafayette. He pulled into the single parking space that came with their apartment and looked up at the windows. There was an open window and a bit of light shining from the living room into the gathering dusk. Cade was home.
After all the hurrying, now Aiden was frozen. He sat in the car and stared up at the window and tried to figure out what the hell he was going to say. He could tell Cade how he felt about everything, but the truth was he had no idea. Not really. He felt too many things, about all different parts of the situation. If he could go up there and justtalk, without Cade saying anything, he was pretty sure he could express himself, even if his emotions weren’t as coherent as he might like. But once Cade said anything, or did anything….
He remembered how Cade had asked him to look away while he shared his secret. He understood that now. This whole thing would be easier if he didn’t have to interact with Cade during it.
