Aiden wastoo excited to sit, and really too excited to read, but he held his copy ofBelovedup at the appropriate level and took the occasional peek at the words, for his cover. He was an earnest student working on his Literature of Black America course, that was all. There was no need for anyone to pay any attention to him, or to the assortment of coolers he had gathered around his feet.
“You get kicked out of the frat?” a sorority girl asked as she passed by with a gaggle of friends. She grinned. “You need somewhere to unload those bags, you give me a call, honey. The girls wouldloveto find a little room for you to squeeze in with us.”
Sexual allusion or merely friendly? It was hard to be sure, and Aiden didn’t care anyway. “I appreciate the offer,” he replied. “And if I everdoget kicked out, I’ll give you a call.”
A couple other girls looked like they were about to break away from the pack and join in for a little low-level flirting, but Aiden wasn’t paying attention to them anymore. He wasn’t paying attention to anything, really, except for the man who’d appeared at the far side of the atrium.
Cade had one hand on his knapsack strap, as if holding it on his shoulder, but his other was clenched in a tense fist. He looked so unsure and conflicted that Aiden almost felt guilty for suggesting their little meeting. But then Cade saw him and smiled, tentative and sweet, and everything was fine.
Better than fine, really. Aiden started grabbing the bags and strapping them onto himself as he’d figured they would best work, and by the time he was done, Cade had crossed the atrium and was staring at him curiously. “Are we climbing Everest? Are you my Sherpa?”
“We can if you want. But we don’t have to.”
Cade looked at him as if questioning his sanity. “We can’t climb Everest, Aiden. It’s really far away. And you need permits and stuff.”
“That would probably be more of a study break than you’re looking for, huh?”
“It’d look great as an outside interest on my résumé, though.”
“Well, let’s think about it, then. Not today, probably, but maybe down the road.”
Cade didn’t respond to that. Apparently the chatting part of their meeting was over and now it was time to do some walking, and hopefully some eating. So Aiden started for the door. “Sorry for the bulkiness. I’ve got a cooler for frozen stuff—check it out, there’s a little battery pack to keep it supercold! And one for regular cold stuff. And then there are two for hot stuff, because there wasn’t really a way to stack the containers inside them that would allow easy access if there was only one cooler.”
“I usually have a banana for lunch on weekends. Sometimes I add some peanuts.”
“I didn’t bring either of those things. I hope you just eat them because they’re convenient, not because they’re part of your study ritual.”
“They’re convenient,” Cade admitted.
They were already out of the shadow of the building and well along the footpath, and there really wasn’t time for a lot more chatting if they were going to get any of the food eaten, so Aiden stopped and turned so his backpack faced Cade. “Hand wipes at the top. Remember where they are because some of the food is a bit messy, so you’ll need to clean up afterward as well.”
He felt a tug as Cade helped himself to a wipe, then twisted around a little and said, “Garbage goes in the bag at my hip.”
“Right,” Cade said. Another little tug as Cade put the used wipe into the bag.
“Okay. So, preferred order of eating would be: Sushi first. That’s in the red cooler bag, and there’s a little tub of wasabi and soy sauce for us to share. Drinks are in that bag too. Just juice boxes, but I put them on little chains so we can hang them around our necks and keep our hands free for eating.” Cade wasn’t reacting the way Aiden had hoped he would. There were no delighted smiles and congratulatory shoulder claps. There wasn’t really much of a reaction at all. But Aiden had no choice but to keep going, even if he was feeling increasingly desperate. “And then there are wings in one of the hot bags, and pizza in the other. I got the pizza cut into strips, so hopefully it’s easier to eat. I had to guessat what toppings you’d like. Sorry. And then dessert is ice cream bars. Not too original, I know, but easier to eat.”
They’d been walking as slowly as Aiden had dared and they were already well along the path to the engineering library. Probably a quarter of the way, Aiden estimated, and they hadn’t even opened a cooler. “Look,” he tried. “There’s a bench right over there. I know all thiscouldbe eaten while we’re walking, but maybe we could sit down?”
Cade stopped walking entirely and turned to face Aiden, and he looked miserable. “So now I’m the asshole if I say no, right?” He looked at the bench as if he was trying to incinerate it with his gaze. “Itoldyou I don’t have time for lunch—don’t have time for any of this. But then you went to all this effort. And it’s thoughtful, Aiden, really, except for the part where it totally bulldozes over the one fucking thing I told you! I don’t have time to eat lunch on the weekends.”
He didn’t sound angry, just frustrated. “So now I can either go sit with you and eat the great food you brought, which would be wasting time Ireallydon’t have because I already wasted too much time this morning thinking about this instead of concentrating on what I was supposed to be doing, or I can be the asshole who responds to this really sweet gesture by walking away, and then I can spend the afternoon worrying about being an asshole instead of concentrating on what I’m supposed to be doing.”
Cade looked at his shoes, then shook his head. “Aiden, I’m sorry, but I can’t be your friend. It’s not that I don’t like you, it’s just that it takes too much of my energy. It’s not only the time that I’m with you, it’s also the time when I’mnotwith you but thinking about you.”
The fantastic guy Aiden was obsessing over was admitting he was spending a lot of time thinking about Aiden too. It should have been a happy moment, but it really, really wasn’t. “So, just… nothing?” Aiden asked. He didn’t want to hear the answer, but he was pretty sure that he needed to.
Cade was still staring at his shoes. “Yeah,” he said. “Nothing. Sorry. And, you know, sorry about all the food. It’s a really nice gesture. Seriously. It would have been great for pretty much anyone but me. But… I’m the asshole.”
And he turned and walked away. Aiden was left standing there with coolers sprouting out from every part of his body, watching the guy he wascrazy about walking away. He wanted to do something drastic. What if he dropped all the food and ran after Cade? He could apologize and beg for another chance. Or something more subtle. He could go and find a banana and some peanuts and take them to Cade in the library. No conversation, no need for attention, just drop them off and leave.
But that would still be distracting Cade from his studying. Still bulldozing over what Cade had told him.
Dammit. There was no way to make it work. Aiden wasn’t going to get what he wanted. It was that simple. And it wasn’ttotallyunheard of. Sure, heusuallygot what he wanted. Maybe he couldn’t think of a single time that he’dreallywanted something and not gotten it. But that was partly because he kept his wants reasonable. And partly, he realized with a sinking feeling, because he was so often given things before he’d even gotten around tothinkingabout wanting them.
So, sure, it was good for him to learn how to handle disappointment. A valuable lesson. Great. But why did it have to come from not gettingCade? Couldn’t it be a new car or something? Couldn’t he decide that he wanted a new car, and then have his parents tell him that he needed to make do with the Mustang, and that would be disappointing and he’d learn a lessonthatway?
Maybe he could call them and ask them not to get him any presents for Christmas. Or he could ask them to take the Mustang away entirely! That would be a fair trade. Aiden would absolutely give up the Mustang if it got him a shot with Cade. The Mustangandthe credit card.AndChristmas. Yeah, Aiden would trade all of that in.
