He dragged his bags over to the bench and sank down onto it. There was no central trading authority. No one to whom he could present his offer, no one to judge whether his sacrifices were sufficient. The only person who could give Aiden what he wanted was Cade, and Cade didn’t want Aiden to give up his material possessions. He just wanted Aiden to go away.
He stumbled back to the frat house and watched his brothers demolish the lunch offerings in about two seconds, then carried the empty coolers out to the car and stashed them in the trunk. He didn’t want to look at them and be reminded of his mistake.
He spent the rest of the weekend studying, with a break on Saturday night for a few beers and on Sunday for the football game.
He was actually fairly interested in his courses. He was majoring in Political Science with a minor in Environmental Policy, but he had room to play around a little and take courses from other areas when he wanted. It was all fine, it was just… empty. There was no real point to any of it. He was taking the classes because he had to takesomething, and they were a good way to pass the time between parties and sporting events. But he didn’t have a plan. He certainly didn’t have the kind of intense focus Cade had, the drive to achieve that would let him crowd everything else out of his life. Aiden wasn’t sure Cade’s approach was actually making Cade happy, but he was pretty sure his own approach wasn’t any better. At least Cade was going to end up with a career when he graduated. Aiden would probably get shuffled off to a job at his dad’s company, or maybe the company of a family friend. And he’d do fine. He’d make people like him, and work hard enough to get by, and his parents would probably help him buy a condo and a new car.
The only thing about him that didn’t fit into the mold was that he was gay. He wouldn’t be marrying the pretty blonde and having two kids with her. But even his sexuality was being expressed in the most boring way possible. He dressed straight, joined a straight frat, and didn’t even bring any of his dates over to the frat house in case that would make people uncomfortable. Of course it probablywouldn’tmake anyone uncomfortable because he always ended up dating guys who were just like him. They’d fit into the frat culture as well as he did, and they’d be as respectful of the rigid social rules as he was.
When Monday came he got a hot dog for lunch. On Tuesday he had Mexican. The whole week was an exploration of the non-sandwich offerings available on the campus, and from a culinary perspective, it was a success. It was probably pretty good from an academic perspective too, considering that he was trying to distract himself with his schoolwork. Emotionally, though, the week was a bit of a mess.
He felt empty. Everything was pointless. He was going through the motions, smiling when he was supposed to, but he was just a robot.
Another week passed, and then another. Aiden produced schoolwork with more confidence than he’d ever had, and less interest in the results. He’d do fine, of course. He always did.
The frat held its traditional midterm blowout party and Aiden volunteered to work the door. It was a tricky job, because the brotherswho usually wanted it were the ones who were likely to be worst at it. They were expected to exercise judgment, like doormen at a club deciding who should be allowed in to the party, but too often it ended up as an exercise in power-tripping and favoritism. Jason Lancaster, the branch president, squinted at Aiden when he volunteered. “Really?” he asked. He knew Aiden didn’t like turning people away and preferred to be inside, where the action was.
But Aiden nodded. “Yeah. I’ll do it.”
“Hotgirls,” Matt, one of his roommates, said with a snort. “We’re looking for hotgirlsto come in. You start picking out all the hotguysand I’m going to come take over the job.”
“Leaving me to go inside where all my hot guys will be,” Aiden replied with a smile he didn’t feel.
Matt turned to Jason. “Aiden and I will do it together. I’ll keep an eye on him.”
“Yeah, okay,” Jason agreed. He wrote their names on his schedule. “Ten to midnight. You’re sober until you’re off duty.”
So Aiden took his place at the front of the house with Matt at his side, and together they screened prospective guests. Guys only got in if they were members of a friendly frat, and girls only got in if they were members of a friendly sororityorhot. It was a bullshit system and Aiden didn’t really like being part of it, but he reminded himself that it wasn’t like there was anything all that special going on behind the doors of the frat anyway. If someone wasn’t attractive enough to get in, it wasn’t a big loss for them, really. And he snuck in a few people he knew from his classes, people who didn’t satisfy the usual criteria but who might add a little interest and variety to things.
It was a little past eleven when Matt nudged Aiden’s shoulder and said, “Hey. That guy’s staring at you.” He squinted down the steps at someone standing just at the edge of the crowd and looking up at them. “Is that the sandwich guy?”
Chapter Twelve
Aiden stared.It was. It was Cade, standing down there with his knapsack slung over his shoulder. He was probably on his way home from the library, and he’d passed by the frat house on the way to… to wherever the hell he lived, and maybe he’d seen Aiden, and now… now what?
Was Aiden allowed to go down there and talk to him? Hell, yeah, he decided. It wasn’t harassment to talk to someone who was standing outside your house staring at you.
So he jogged down the steps, slowing a little when he got closer and saw how uncertain Cade looked.
“You’re having a party,” Cade said. “Obviously. I should come back later.”
“Really?” This sounded like more than passing by on the way home from the library. “You’d come back?”
“Well, yeah. Sometime when you’re not busy.”
“I’m not busy now.”
“You looked busy.”
“No. Well, yes.” Aiden grimaced. He had no idea what Cade was doing there, but he knew he’d have no rest until he found out. And as much as he wanted to be responsible about his frat commitments…. “Stay here for one minute, okay.One minute. And then I’ll be right back.”
“Okay,” Cade said doubtfully.
Aiden sprinted up the steps and grabbed Matt’s arm. “You need to cover for me, okay? Find someone else to fill in for me? Maybe Brent? He wasn’t going to drink tonight, right?” The third resident of their room took intramurals pretty seriously and wasn’t going to be hungover for whatever match he was going to be involved in the next day.
“I already texted him,” Matt said with a smile. “He’s on his way out.”
“What? Seriously?”
