“Beth would probably be more confused and hurt than pissed off,” Callan replied. “To be fair, if she flirted back with any of the arseholes who pant after her, it would fuck me off.”
“Which we all know is man code for hurt.” John shrugged.
Me and Callan nodded in agreement.
“Why is that, though?” I asked, genuinely wanting to understand. “To me, it’s harmless flirting. A bit of good-natured banter. It doesn’t mean anything.”
“That’s not necessarily true,” Callan explained. “If you’re both in agreement that flirting with other people is harmless and allowed, then flirt away. But flirting for many people is a signal that you’re sexually available. Say I didn’t see it that way, but Beth did, and it bothered her, I would quit doing that shit in a heartbeat. Folks say you should never change yourself for someone, but there are small changes you can make that are worth it if it protects the people you love. Now I’ve vowed to protect Beth. Even from me. Most of the time, I do it. I’m not perfect and sometimes I unintentionally hurt her in small ways and vice versa. However, flirting with other people when I know ithurts her is an intention to cause her harm. So why the fuck would I do that?”
Shit.
Maia had said if Will had done that, it would have hurt her feelings.
“If you’ve made a commitment to Maia, you flirting with other women is telling her that you’re saying to strangers you’re sexually available when you’re not. How the hell is she supposed to feel about that?”
I scrubbed a hand over my face as the last year of my behavior played out in my head. One-night stand after one-night stand. Flirting constantly, and many, many times in front of Maia. I know I was a free agent and she was with Will, so I wasn’t surprised she never took my flirting with her seriously. “She’s … she’s worried I’m not capable of monogamy in the long run.”
John winced. “Is … did she break it off?”
“No, no. But we had a barney this morning because I flirted with some lass at the gym. You know I appreciate the balls it takes for a woman to make that approach. Me flirting back is just respecting the move.”
“And disrespecting Maia in return,” Callan said flatly.
It was like he’d punched me. “Do … you think she felt disrespected?” Because for a moment, I thought I saw more than concern on her face. I thought I’d seen disappointment and pain. But maybe that was me imagining something that didn’t exist between us.
“Abso-fucking-lutely. Christ, Baird, what will it cost you to turn the other way when a lass flirts with you? Fuck all. It’ll cost you fuck all. But not turning away … it’s probably going to cost you Maia.”
Callan’s blunt assessment knocked me on my arse.
Maia was right.
Her words had wounded me this morning, but she was right.
How could I expect her to take me seriously if this was how she felt about the flirting? “I screwed up. And I’m not just talking about today. I have been screwing this thing up the whole time I’ve known her. She’s been building a case against me—” I cut my words off before I revealed too much. “I have to show her I’m in this. Or I’ll lose her.” Correction: I’d never win her.
“No flirting.” John wagged his finger comically at me. “Actually, since it’s such an inherent part of who you are, you just need to channel all of that into Maia.”
“I can do that.” I nodded. It would be the greatest pleasure of my life to channel all my sexual energy into Maia MacLeod. By the time I was done, she’d take me seriously.
She had to.
I was Baird McMillan.
Once I set my heart on something, that was me. I was all in.
And I was all in on Maia.
Losing her … losing her now that I was so close to being with her … well … it just wasn’t an option.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
MAIA
The day Baird stormed out on me I’d gone back and forth on whether I was in the right or wrong. My friend was usually so easygoing that I’d started to question if I’d been too harsh with him. I was on the cusp of calling him to apologize when I walked up the stairs to my flat and found Baird sitting outside my door, waiting for me.
The first words out of his mouth were, “I’m sorry, Maia. It won’t happen again. You are safe with me. I promise.”
At that moment, I experienced a falling sensation. Like I was literally dizzy at his pronouncement. When my reply was to ask him to come in, he’d stood up, grinned at me in relief, and drew me into a bear hug.
