And I knew them so well. I knew they were scared I was going to disappear for good if they pushed too hard.
Hating myself for making the people I loved feel that way, I cloaked myself in the part I played, with the promise to figure out my bloody life. And soon. Before I missed any more of what was truly important.
Six
FYFE
Nine months ago
Eils, I’m in London. I’d love to see you.
Amess of emotions churned inside as I stared down at my unanswered text. The London cabbie prattled on about the weather, the traffic, content to hear his own voice and not requiring any response from me.
I’d come to London two days ago for a meeting with a potential client who I’d only gotten word from this morning was now an actual client. The truth was, I should have returned home yesterday. But the text I’d sent Eilidh two days ago had gone unanswered, and I knew for a fact from Lewis that she was in the city.
Nine months.
That’s how long it had been since she and I had a real conversation.
Ever since she overheard those stupid words come out of my mouth to Lewis.
She acted coolly toward me. No one else noticed the difference. But the daily text conversations and the weekly video calls abruptly ended. I’d attempted to get us back there, but despite her protestations that “we’re fine,” her short, uninterested responses to my texts proved otherwise.
I’d hurt her.
And Eilidh Adair was adept at throwing up mile-high walls.
But nine months of very little after having months of her—the real Eilidh—I was pissed off. I was hurt.
Truthfully, I felt fucking abandoned all over again.
Now this.
I shoved my phone into my pocket as the cab neared Eilidh’s street.
Not answering me at all. Avoiding me.
I hadn’t realized what a light Eilidh’s presence in my life was until she took that light away. The whole reason I hadn’t yet left London was because I wanted her friendship back the way I had it last year. I didn’t want to explode nine months of built-up resentment all over her so I attempted to cool my temper as the cab stopped outside her building.
After paying the cabbie, I jumped out and was hit by the thick London heat. It was early June, but summer had reached London early. Record-breaking temperatures made me long for Ardnoch where, the weather app on my phone informed me, the temperatures were that of chilly spring.
Sweat beaded on my forehead as I pressed Eilidh’s flat number on the buzzer. The last time I’d been here was years ago.
The intercom crackled. “Hello?” I heard her familiar voice for the first time in ages.
We hadn’t seen each other in person in two months. The last time she’d visited Ardnoch. Callie gave birth to her andLewis’s baby girl, Harley, in early February. Eilidh was filming the fourth season ofYoung Adultand had come home for the weekend to meet her niece. I could tell it broke her heart to leave again, but she was under contract. She’d only managed to get home to see Harley again a few months later. Now that filming had wrapped on her show, I wondered why she hadn’t returned.
I hoped like fuck it wasn’t because she was still avoiding me.
The thought felt a wee bit too self-centered to have merit.
“Eilidh, it’s Fyfe. Can I come up?” I held my breath, hoping like hell I hadn’t underestimated her ability to hold a grudge.
The front entrance door clicked open and relief flooded me as I pushed into it. I made sure it was closed behind me before I took the stairs two at a time until I reached her floor.
Eilidh stood in her doorway, looking adorably young and fresh-faced with no makeup on. As I approached, drinking her in, a burning sensation flared near my sternum. Her thick dark hair wasn’t straightened but left in its natural curls and piled on top of her head. She wore a pair of tiny pink cotton shorts, revealing her long, toned legs. Her blue tank top clung to her like a second skin and as soon as I realized she wasn’t wearing a bra, I kept my eyes fixed firmly on her face. Her olive skin was flushed from the heat and aglow with perspiration.
It was a problem.
