I was so young. I didn’t remember much from that age, but I remembered every second of that terrifying night. It was before Regan was technically our mother. She was still our nanny at the time. What we didn’t know, but I’d learned later as a teen, was that Mum was running from an old friend who was in love with her. She had no idea how obsessed he’d become until he showed up in Ardnoch and broke into the house.
Mum and Dad weren’t home. Our aunt Eredine was babysitting. It’s funny how so many of those early childhood years were a vague mashup of feeling rather than memory, but there were some moments I remembered as if they’d happened yesterday. The moment that strange man appeared and knocked out Aunt Ery, only to manhandle me and Lewis into the annex to tie us up, was vivid. I could still hear Lewis screaming my name as he tried to fight the man off. Could hear my brother’s terror for me and his little boy rage that he couldn’t protect me.
I could still smell that man’s aftershave. To this day, anytime I caught a whiff of the familiar designer cologne, I felt nauseated. It sounds awful, but I was relieved he’d been killed. He’d attacked Mum and in defending herself, he went flying over a cliff into the North Sea.
That year was traumatic. But kids are resilient. We were resilient. And we got Mum out of it.
Still.
I hated that bloody annex.
I was settling onto the guest bed for a power nap when my phone vibrated on the nightstand.
Reaching out, I swiped the screen, and a burning pang lit across my breast.
Are we okay?
Fyfe’s text glared at me.
I didn’t answer.
Instead, I put the phone down and grabbed the remote for the blackout blinds. As soon as the room plunged into darkness, I closed my eyes.
The tears leaked free.
Yet somehow, out of sheer exhaustion, I drifted to sleep.
When I woke, I had a missed call from Fyfe.
Sighing, I groggily texted back.
Why wouldn’t we be okay?
He replied immediately.
What I said to Lew came off harsher than I meant.
Hurt pierced me.
But he had meant it.
It’s all good. You and I can take a roast.
Aye, good. Glad you’re back. Hopefully see you tomorrow at Lew’s.
Yup. Anyway, gonna go spend some time with the fam. Talk later.
See you tomorrow.
I threw my phone down on the bed, abandoning it, so I could give my family the full attention they deserved. Everyone was downstairs and I realized I’d slept longer than I meant to. Dad swept me up into a bear-crushing hug that caused a painful lump of emotion to burn in my throat. It didn’t help he cupped my face in his hands and searched it like he knew there was something terribly wrong. I grinned cockily for him, trying to dissuade the concern I saw in his eyes. Shrugging on my best acting skills, I hugged Callie next, joking about her as yet nonexistent pregnant belly, and gave my family the version of me they were used to.
The version that didn’t have a care in the world.
They bought it.
Or at least they pretended to buy it.
Because any time someone tried to push me to be honest with them, I disappeared.
