I love you.
He loved me. Just not enough to want to stay. And worse, not enough to admit that to me. Was he really going to spend his life here in Ardnoch with me when it wasn’t what he wanted? He’d put that on me?
Screw that!
My fingers trembled as Itexted back.
Meet me at the woods behind your Aunt Arro’s in 30 mins.
Dots appeared almost instantly.
R you ok?
Just meet me.
OK. See you in thirty. Love you.
I didn’t reply.
I felt brittle and empty as I waited for Lewis.
The truth was I was grieving more than my relationship with him. I was grieving the future I thought I’d have. I was grieving that feeling of safety he’d given me. Because I thought he was one of four people on the planet who loved me unconditionally and without limit.
It was shattering to realize he wasn’t.
I heard the crunch of his feet on the woodland floor and reluctantly faced him. Lewis was striding right for me, his expression harsh with concern. Before he reached me, he finally seemed to register the “stay back” vibes I was giving off.
He halted abruptly. “Callie, what’s going on? I’ve been worried sick.”
“Have you?” I glared disbelievingly at him.
Lewis scowled. “What does that mean?”
Spit it out. Get it over with.
“I overheard your conversation with Fyfe the other day. You were in his garden.”
I swear all color leached from Lewis’s face. “What?—”
“When were you going to tell me about UCL? About any of it?” My anger started to rise and with it the volume of my voice. “Or were you really going to stay here with me, even though you don’t know if that’s what you want?”
Panic flared in his eyes, and he took a step toward me.
I stepped back.
“Fuck. Callie …” His tone was pleading. “I was only thinking out loud. It didn’t mean anything. I want to be with you. Of course I want to be with you.”
I couldn’t believe him now, though. He’d confessed his deep inner thoughts toFyfe. Not me! Not only that, he’d made me feel like shit for weeks while he grew brooding and distant. And now I knew why. “Do you want Ardnoch? Or do you want a future elsewhere? Be honest. I deserve that, Lewis.”
His expression tight, he took a shuddering breath as he raked his hands through his hair. The soft strands fell back around his jawline as he released them to shrug helplessly. “I don’t know.”
“You don’t know or you don’t want to admit how you feel?”
“I love you,” Lewis whispered hoarsely.
“That’s not what I asked.”
“Fine.” He shrugged again. “I … I admit that the thought of studying architecture at one of the best unis in the country appeals to me. Living in London appeals to me. I’ve spent my whole life here, Callie. I want to experience other places. I don’t want my life to be this narrow.”
