I had to make the first move.
And the only way I was going to get over the fear that she’d judge me for who I really was—and maybe even end this ruse between us because of it—was just to tell her.
The words stuck in my throat. I didn’t tell my story often. In fact, I hadn’t really told my story to anyone but Granddad and Sarah. Georgie knew bits and pieces. I was rusty at trusting people with that part of me. That kid seemed like a world away from who I was now.
“I’m not close to my parents.”
As soon as the words left my mouth, I had Allegra’s focused attention.
I gave her a joyless smirk. “My grandfather was my dad’s dad. Unlike Sarah’s dad, mine decided that life in a wee Highland village on a farm was beneath him. He left Ardnoch as soon as he could. Moved to Glasgow. Got mixed up with drugs and crime. Knocked my mum up. She grew up in foster care, so she had no one. And my dad bailed on us when I was four. My dad had previously asked my grandparents for money, so they knew about me. I’d met them. They tried to help when they could, but my mum was too proud to ask for it. She’d send me here for the summers, but she wouldn’t take anything from them. My granddad used to slip cash into my bag before I went home, told me to hide it and use it if I needed it.
“Sometimes wereallyneeded it. Mum tried. She did. She worked hard, but it meant leaving me alone a lot. And she went through men like …” I shook my head. “Looking back, I can see it for what it was. She was just desperate to find someone to take care of her. But she also let them treat her like shit. Let them treat me like shit. I can’t tell you how many punches I took so she wouldn’t.”
Emotion gleamed in Allegra’s eyes. “I’m so sorry, Jared.”
“Don’t be.” I huffed a wee bit shakily. It was only then I realized my heart waspoundingwith this trip down memory lane. “I was a wee prick too. Angry at my dad, angry at her, angry at life. I started knocking around with the wrong lads. It was easy to find trouble. We jacked cars. We sold drugs. Broke into homes and took things from people who barely had anything.” I sneered at that past self. “I was scum. And it took my mates almost beating one of our own boys to death before I woke up. I didn’t want to bethat. I wanted to be better than my dad. I wanted to just be better.”
“Is that how you ended up here?”
She didn’t look horrified.
Only sad. Sympathetic.
My heart slowed a little and I nodded, remembering vividly that night after I’d dropped Welsh off at the hospital. The pure self-loathing I’d felt after dumping him at the entrance and driving off to save myself from being charged. I was twenty-one. Living in a shithole with a mate I didn’t particularly like, surrounded by stuff we’d stolen. Leaving a guy who was supposed to be my pal alone to possibly die, all because he’d shagged the wrong girl. Thankfully, he’d lived. And I’d called my granddad and told him I needed help. That I needed to get away. Far enough away the guys I ran around with wouldn’t follow.
“My grandmother had died a few years before, and a few years before that when Sarah was about twelve, they’d taken her in. After her dad died, her mum took her away and she’d had a similar childhood to me. She was smart enough to ask for help earlier than I did.
“My grandfather didn’t hesitate. He told me there was a place here if I was willing to work hard, and so I jumped on a train the next morning and never looked back. My mum is still in Glasgow. She sends a Christmas card each year, but we haven’t spoken in over a decade. It’s sad, but I don’t miss her like I should. She always felt more like a roommate than a mum. And Granddad … he was how I always thought a dad should be. He could be a belligerent auld bastard.” I chuckled, grief burning in my throat. “But he loved me and Sarah. He gave us a second chance at life. I’ll never be able to repay him for that.”
“Your grandfather sounds like he was a really special person.”
I smiled, thinking how he would have blustered about being called special. “Aye, he was.”
“And your dad? Did you ever hear from him again?”
Expression grim, I nodded. “He was in and out of my life while I lived in Glasgow. Usually when he needed money. And I heard from him a few days ago. In fact, just before you came to me with the marriage proposal, he approached me for the first time in years.” I took a chug of the coffee and then placed the cup down on the side table. “He’s one of the reasons I said yes to you. He threatened to contest my grandfather’s will and take the farm off me with plans of selling all the land.”
“That asshole,” she snapped, her dark eyes sparkling with fury. On my behalf. “Let him try. I have access to the best freaking lawyers on the planet. We’ll destroy him.”
Tenderness and guilt mingled at her fierce declaration.
I’d told her the worst of me … and yet she offered me this … a kind of blind loyalty.
Suddenly, I wanted nothing more than to kiss her. To press her down into the couch and cover every inch of her with me. My taste, my scent, my heat … I wanted her to drown in it and I wanted to drown in hers.
Her breath caught, her gaze dipping to my mouth as if she could feel my sudden hunger.
“Jared?” she whispered.
There was desire in her eyes but confusion in her tone. It was enough to snap me out of the dangerous spell she’d put me under. I yanked my gaze from her and cleared my throat. What had we been saying?
My dad.
Right.
“He, uh, he texted me a few days ago and he knows about us. So he knows that he’s fucked financially. He’s just trying to mess with my head.”
I felt a touch on my hand and turned to find her slim fingers covering mine.
