When our eyes met, she offered sympathetically, “I’m sorry.” Her touch was brief. I wanted to snatch her hand back to me.
Attempting to orient myself, to get us back on track, I asked bluntly, “Why don’t you get along with your parents?”
She drew her knees even tighter to her chest. “I … um … it’s not … it’s hard to explain.”
Tamping down my frustration, I pushed, “You don’t have to tell me anything, Allegra. But you can trust me. What I told you … I’ve only ever told my grandfather and Sarah.”
“Really?”
“Aye, really. I’m not exactly a fountain of information, if you hadn’t noticed.”
She chuckled at my droll self-deprecation and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. I followed the movement, swallowing the urge to bridge the distance between us on the couch.
“I haven’t toldanyone.”
That’s when I saw it. What Theo had mentioned. A hollow sadness in Allegra’s eyes. It was always there, I realized. I’d seen it before. I’d tried not to wonder at it and told myself it was none of my business. She was good at covering it up with smiles and optimism.
“Not even Aria?”
She shook her head. “Especially not Aria.” Her exhale this time was long and shaky.
“You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to,” I promised her.
Allegra considered this. “Whatever happened tonight … I know you are making an effort to get to know me. Right?”
“Right.”
“Why?”
“Because … we’re alone in this bargain. Just you and me. And I didn’t want you to be lonely. Just because this is a business deal doesn’t mean we can’t be friends. Right?”
Nibbling on her bottom lip, she took a moment before nodding. “I am lonely.”
Fuck.
“Allegra … I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault.” She blinked away tears. “I’ve been lonely for a really long time.”
That killed. That killed way more than it should for someone I wasn’t supposed to care that deeply for. “Why?” My voice was gruff with the feeling.
“I was … I’ve been forced to keep secrets. To protect myself. To protect Aria … Only my therapist knows and it’s not the same. She’s paid to keep my secrets, you know. I just … I feel like everyone sees me as Chiara and Wesley Howard’s daughter. A Malibu princess. And then I feel like the people who actually know me see me as a grand fuck-up. The one who Sloane Ironside had to save from a psycho when she was seventeen years old, after which her family forced her into rehab.” She shook her head. “That’s not who I feel like I am inside. I was just really angry and messed up and I had reason … and I can’t tell anyone. I can’t tell the one person who matters more to me than anyone the real reason. So now I will always be the selfish sister. The one with impulse control issues.” She gestured between us, laughing bitterly. “I guess marrying a guy for a visa doesn’t exactly prove otherwise.”
“Tell me,” I implored. “Tell me what you can’t tell Aria. I promise it will never leave this room.”
Seventeen
Allegra
As I contemplated confiding in Jared the way he’d confided in me, sweat gathered under my arms. Only one person knew my story, and she didn’t count because she was a mental health professional. I’d told no one, not a single friend or lover, about what happened to drive me completely off the rails. The truth was, I wasn’t proud of that person for so many reasons, but now that I was older, I ached for that kid. I’d put so much on myself that I shouldn’t have. Yet, there was still a part of me that feared censure from anyone I cared about.
Staring into Jared’s eyes, I thought about the man who had vacillated between casual friendliness and outright cold indifference. Could I trust someone like that? An hour ago, I’d have said unequivocally not. Even with all the evidence I’d witnessed of his kindness and care toward Sarah and his friends over the years, I could only have said no because of the way he’d treated me these last few weeks.
But then he’d gone and told me a story that I knew, from the shaky way he’d confessed it, he really had only told very few people. He’d offered me his trust.
And maybe I was just desperate enough to unburden myself for the first time in ten years. I was so tired of being the only one who carried the truth. “You have to promise me that what I tell you … you never tell Aria. No matter what.”
Jared’s brows drew together in curiosity, but he nodded. “I promise.”
