When he looked down, she was smiling up at him. She’d been doing that more lately when she wasn’t grizzling about something and it would be easy not to notice it or think about it, especially when he was busy. But he was making an effort. Geraldine had told him the other day to appreciate the little things about Eva, not focus on the tiredness and the stress of it all, even if he wasn’t going to be her father long term. And right now, as Eva reached up and ran her hand along his stubbly chin, giggling at the feel of it, he realised exactly what she meant.
Geraldine had been watching them without him even realising. She hovered. ‘I don’t want to interfere, Noah, you know that.’
‘I also know that statements such as that one are usually accompanied by abut.’
‘What I want to say is that you’re doing all right, with Eva. It might not feel like it, but you are. You’re learning, both of you.’
Noah suspected she would’ve said more but there was a knock at the door that sent his heart racing. Eva turned her head to the sound, and Geraldine said something about gathering up her things.
Noah answered the door, the plunging sensation in his guts increasing ten-fold as he came face to face with the man who’d abandoned his sister and her little girl.
Paul wasn’t what Noah had expected. He’d pictured a rough and ready man, scruffily dressed, but here he was in a suit and tie, as though this might be the most important meeting of his life. Perhaps to him it was. And maybe that was a good sign?
‘I’ll leave you to it.’ Geraldine pulled her bag onto her shoulder, a wary look in her eye. She smiled at Eva and planted a kiss on her forehead. ‘Look forward to seeing you, little miss.’ And then to Noah, ‘Let me know if you need anything.’
‘Thanks, appreciate it.’ He closed the front door behind her and went into the lounge where Paul had already sat down.
‘Can I get you a tea or coffee?’ Noah offered. Eva’s little arms were around his neck in a way that was comforting but made this so much harder. It was as if she was clinging onto him for safety and right now, it felt as though his heart would rip in two.
‘I’ll take a coffee.’ Paul seemed shifty rather than nervous, or perhaps that was because Noah didn’t know him well enough to tell the difference. ‘Black, no sugar.’
Noah had expected him to ask to hold Eva, but he didn’t. Was he wary of being too pushy given he walked out on Cassie and their daughter?
Cassie had never said much about the situation with Eva’s father to Noah. She’d been upset at first, going it alone, but it was as though then she closed the doors around her little world of her and Eva and that was all that remained important to her. Noah had never pushed her for answers either because she blossomed as a single parent. Even on the days she said she was exhausted, she never stopped trying, never stopped smiling and taking in every little moment with Eva.
Noah delivered the cup of coffee to Paul. He’d made it one-handed, Eva well out of the way on his left hip, and carried the cup of hot liquid in his right hand, far away from her enough that if it spilt, it would only scald him.
‘Help yourself.’ Noah indicated the plate of colourful biscuits on the coffee table and sat on the sofa opposite the chair Paul had occupied.
‘That your mum?’ Paul asked.
‘Excuse me?’
‘The woman, earlier.’
The jerk must know that their mother had passed away. It wasn’t something you forgot easily. Through gritted teeth, he said, ‘That was the nanny. For Eva.’ He added Eva’s name because Paul hadn’t reached for her or even indicated he wanted to yet.
But Noah shouldn’t have wished for it because when Paul finished gobbling down a second biscuit, he stood and held out his arms. ‘May I?’
‘Sure.’ He had to do it but transferring the little girl to Paul’s arms went against all his natural instincts. It was harder than he’d ever imagined. What would it be like if this man took Eva for good?
Paul clearly had less experience with babies than Noah did. He was holding her but not engaging, he was tense, he was looking at her without much expression on his face at all. And Eva being Eva wasn’t going to stand for that. She started to grizzle, moved about in his arms like she wanted to jump out of them.
‘Maybe try sitting down with her,’ Noah suggested. ‘I’ll get her a teething ring; she’s having a tough time of it so that might help.’ Really all he wanted to do right now was take her back and tell her that he was there, everything was going to be okay.
He went into the kitchen and pulled the ring out of the fridge and for a moment, he stood with it in his hand, looking at it, this thing that got in the way of his leftovers, one of the rings he’d knocked onto the floor countless times. And yet it would feel wrong to not have it here now.
Oh, Cassie, why did you have to go anywhere? You were born to be a mother. I’m not sure I’m doing anything right any more.
He pulled himself together, went back into the lounge and handed Eva the ring. She looked on the cusp of losing it and that was the last thing they needed right now. At least Paul had sat down and Eva shoved the ring in her mouth, her breath calming at the distraction from this stranger who’d picked her up.
‘Did you have to come far?’ Noah realised he hadn’t even asked the guy where he was living. He could be in a squat for all Noah knew and he needed to be sure what future he was going to give Eva. It was all his responsibility now. And he wouldn’t lie, it was overwhelming.
‘Not really, I was already in Dorset.’ He wasn’t watching Eva. Every now and then, she looked at him, frowned and gnawed on her ring that little bit harder.
‘So you live nearby?’
‘Kind of.’
