She nodded, not quite meeting my eyes. "Thank you."
I should have let go then, but I didn't. Instead, I found myself studying the contrast of her small, delicate hands against mine, the fragile bones of her wrists, the calluses that spoke of a life of practical work rather than privilege.
When she finally looked up at me, the torchlight caught in her eyes, turning them to liquid sapphire. Something shifted in the air between us, an electric tension that made it hard to breathe.
Without thinking, I found myself leaning closer, drawn to her by a force that I was helpless to resist. Her lips parted, and I could feel her pulse racing beneath my fingers where they rested against her wrist.
"Excuse me," a voice said from behind us. "If you are done, we need to get to the stream."
Kailin and I jumped apart like guilty children, though we hadn't actually done anything wrong.
Yet.
Kissing or any other pleasures of the flesh on the pilgrimage were a big no-no, so the impatient pilgrim might have saved us from committing a grave transgression.
"Of course," I said, my voice steadier than I felt as I shifted to make room for him. "Sorry about that."
We worked in silence after that, but it wasn't the comfortable silence we'd shared before. This one was charged with everything we weren't saying.
Everything we couldn't say.
When we finally gathered up the canteens and started back toward our fire, I tried to think of something to say that might ease the tension. But what could I say? That I was sorry foralmost kissing her? I wasn't. That it couldn't happen again? That would only make things more awkward.
So, I said nothing and neither did she.
As we approached our group's fire, I saw that Codric and Shovia had drawn closer together in our absence. She was leaning against his shoulder, her eyes closed, while he stared into the flames with an unusually serious expression.
The sight filled me with an odd mixture of envy and concern. Codric was getting too invested in something that could only end in heartache. Then again, who was I to judge?
I wasn't acting any more responsibly.
"Look who finally made it back," Codric said as we got closer, though he didn't move away from Shovia. "We were starting to wonder if you'd gotten lost."
"The pool was crowded," Kailin said, setting down the canteens perhaps a bit harder than necessary. "Lots of people had the same idea about getting water."
She settled back into her spot by the fire without looking at me. I distributed the canteens to their owners before taking my seat, trying to ignore how empty the space beside me felt.
Morek was still telling his story about the wolf and the moon, but I couldn't focus on the words. My hands still tingled where they'd touched Kailin's, and my mind kept replaying that moment by the pool, wondering what would have happened if we hadn't been interrupted.
Nothing good, probably. I wasn't superstitious, and I didn't believe that Elurion watched over us from above, but it did seem foolish to transgress against his precepts while I was hoping he would reward me with the ability to bond with dragons.
Besides, kissing Kailin would have made things more complicated than they already were.
I couldn't afford to let myself get distracted by my attraction to her.
Still, as I watched the firelight play across Kailin's face, her eyes fixed determinedly on Morek as he spun his tale, I wondered if it was already too late for such practical considerations. The magnetic currents that guided dragons through the auroras weren't the only forces beyond our control.
Some paths, once started down, couldn't easily be abandoned.
34
KAILIN
I shouldn't be writing this. These feelings shouldn't exist, let alone be immortalized on paper. But my heart is too full, and my mind won't quiet until I pour some of this out.
Today I saw Alar smile—really smile, not the controlled, slight lifting of the lips he usually does that never reaches his eyes. Tonight, the smile reached all the way up and transformed his whole face. I had to sketch it. I had to capture that rare moment when he looked happy and carefree and not like someone who has the weight of the entire world resting on his shoulders.
I know all the reasons why I shouldn't allow Alar into my heart, but it refuses to listen to reason. I'm like that stupid mountain goat in Morek's story, dreaming of flying like a dragon without wings.
