I'd seen her visibly tense whenever someone shuffled too close to the edge. At first, I'd thought that she was being cautious, but I was starting to realize that it was more than that.
Kailin was afraid of heights, and now her reluctance to become a dragon rider made perfect sense.
Did her friends know?
Was it enough to disqualify her from the Dragon Force?
It should, in the same way that my reaction to the altitude should disqualify me. Unlike Kailin, though, I hadn't been smart enough to hide my affliction. I was a fool. I should have come prepared with all the appropriate medications and never let the Elucians know that I wasn't doing well.
I'd have to remedy the situation in some way or I could kiss the Dragon Force goodbye.
"Everyone ready?" Lysara called. She cast a quick glance at the stream, verifying that no one was still refilling their canteens. Satisfied with her scan, she waved a hand. "Let's move out, people."
As we fell back into line, my gaze was drawn to Kailin again. She was talking to a petite girl who was dwarfed by her backpack, and when she laughed at something the girl had said, her entire face lit up.
Something warm unfurled in my chest.
It felt good to hold it there for a few minutes and indulge in fantasies about soulful conversations and stolen kisses. But I couldn't allow those feelings to take root and flourish, no matter how beautiful and sweet I found Kailin.
We were not meant to be, and there was not one scenario where it could work. Elurion knew that I'd spent enough time thinking about it and trying to find a solution.
If I made it to the Dragon Force and she didn't, I could only see her occasionally when I was on leave, but I would have more important things to do than court a girl.
If we both made it, which was the least likely scenario, I would need to be focused on achieving my objectives, and I couldn't allow myself the distraction.
If Kailin was admitted to the Force and I wasn't, I would have to return to Eluria, and the same would be true if neither of us were found gifted. Kailin would be assigned to a post in anotherbranch of the Elucian Forces, and I would have to return to Eluria because I wouldn't be allowed to stay.
The next few hours passed in a blur of putting one foot in front of the other, trying to ignore the growing hunger pangs and the way the world occasionally swam at the edges of my vision.
When Lysara finally called a halt for the night, I was ready to collapse where I stood.
"Lay out your sleeping bags where you are," she instructed.
It seemed like I was getting my wish, but I couldn't believe that we were expected to spend the night on the narrow trail. I glanced at Kailin, who had her back pressed against the stone wall and her eyes trained on Lysara.
"What about fires?" I asked, making my way to stand next to Kailin. "Can we light small ones to keep predators at bay?"
Lysara shook her head. "No fires until we reach a secure location."
I wondered where a location like that could be found on this mountain and concluded that it was probably on the summit. Until we arrived, we would spend the nights in the freezing cold.
When Lysara continued up the trail to continue her instructions to the rest of our group, I turned to Kailin. "You and Shovia should put down your sleeping bags next to the rock face. Codric and I will sleep next to you and block some of the cold wind."
My suggestion sounded chivalrous, and it hadn't betrayed what I suspected about Kailin's fear of heights.
"I won't argue with you about that," Shovia said. "We should all put on our coveralls." She laid her pack on the ground and untied the straps holding her sleeping bag and winter coveralls. "It's going to snow tonight."
I glanced at the sky, where the auroras danced among the gathering clouds, but they looked exactly the same as they had so far, and I had no idea what Shovia was basing her convictionon that it would snow. Still, I wasn't about to ignore a local's advice, especially when I saw many of the other Elucians doing the same.
When Kailin laid down her sleeping bag next to the wall as I had suggested, I laid mine next to hers, and we both donned our coveralls. Getting inside with them on was a cumbersome and awkward process, but eventually we managed to settle in.
Sleep, however, proved elusive. My stomach churned with hunger, and every time I started to drift off, another pang would jolt me awake.
How was I going to survive two more days of this?
At my feet, I heard Codric's familiar snores. At least one of us was getting some rest. I tried to focus on the auroras above, their shifting colors painting the mountainside in gentle light. Back home in Vedona, the city lights dimmed their magnificence, but up here they seemed close enough to touch.
"Are you awake?" Kailin asked quietly.
