The fear.
The pain.
The horror.
Finding out it was Killian’s safety that had her in that state was surprising, but it was more astonishing to Kill. We sit in the unofficial training room, where our off-the-books doctor, Madison, patches the guys up after the fights.
“I’m fine, and going home,” he says, as Heather stares at him in absolute dismay. She reaches up and touches his face, and I see the brief flash of comfort, before it is washed away with anger.
“What did I tell you about touching me, Killer?”
Knox and I exchange a glance, and I know he saw it too. However brief it was, it was there. Killian doesn’t completely hate her.
“Stop being such a dick. Your eye is cut, and both your nose and your mouth are bleeding.”
His eyes are swollen, and he’s banged up pretty good, but I know he’ll be fine. He’s been through a lot worse than this, but she doesn’t know that.
“Thank you,” Killian says, and we’re all equally confused.
He sighs audibly, sounding annoyed.
“You’re the reason this happened. It’s your fault I lost the fight. It’s your fault my face looks like this. I was distracted because of you. Don’t you get it, Killer? That’s all you are. A fucking distraction.”
He opens his mouth to continue, and I hold my hand up signaling for him to stop.
“Enough, Killian. It’s just fucking enough already.”
Madison walks into the room and arches an eyebrow, likely sensing the tension in the room.
“Come on, Tesoro,” Knox says as he takes Heather's hand, and we walk out together, leaving Killian alone with the doctor.
“I keep thinking he’s going to stop being such an asshole, but maybe I’m wrong. Maybe this is just how it’ll always be,” Heather says with a resigned sigh.
Killian has been hard on her, and while she acts like it doesn’t bother her, I know it does. He’s wearing her down, little by little. I sometimes wonder if we should intervene on her behalf, but I know deep down it’s a bad idea. It will only cause Killian to dig his heels in more. Right now, he respects that she stands up to him. If she shows him she’s weak, it’s game over for her. Kill has only let her see one side of him. The part he’s hiding from her, the true Killian, is the man that saved our lives after our mom died. He was the glue that held us together. Memories of that day flood my brain, no matter how hard I try to forget.
January 7,2016
All three of us stand,staring at our mother’s lifeless body hanging from the ceiling. Blood pours from her, dripping onto the floor. She has so many slashes, I don’t know where the majority of it is coming from. Blue eyes, now gray, an expression of horror frozen on her face, mimicking my current state of mind. She’s gone. We won’t sit around wondering who could do this to our angelic mother. We know. Since the day I was kidnapped, we knew this would be the end result. It was never if, it was when. Much like when someone you love battles a debilitating illness, even though you know it’s coming, you’re never ready.
I walk out of her room and into mine and grab my go bag along with my bow. Killian charges in after me.
“What the fuck are you doing, Carter?”
I’m not sure how to answer his question, because I don’t really know. All I know is that I can’t fucking breathe, and I need to go.
“Carter!” He screams at me, as I push past him and walk to the front door.
I wish he had killed me, and not her.
This is my fault.
His last words to me before I blacked out were, “You better die, because if you live, I’ll kill your mother. You won’t know how, or when, but when you find her body, you’ll know it was me.”
Killian chases me outside and into the forest, and I turn to him and plead.
“Please let me go. This is my fault. I should have died. I didn’t, and now she paid my price.”
He comes closer to me, but doesn’t touch me. Instead he holds his hands up, letting me know he has no intention of doing what I always fear more than anything.
