“Done?”
“Yes.”
“Let me get this straight. I either quit my job and let your parents pay for my med school, or we break up. No more Billie and Xander. Do I understand this correctly?”
She blinks back tears, puts her hands on her hips, and says, “Yes. Make up your mind because I’m tired of waiting.”
I take a deep breath. So this is what it’s come to? I step forward, wrap her in my arms, and kiss her then pull back. “I’m not quitting, so tell me you are not thinking correctly and are just emotional. I love you, Billie, and you love me. Tell me you are just venting right now.”
She shakes her head. “I am not emotional. I am not venting. I am thinking correctly. Quit, or we’re done.”
I jerk my head back in shock and shake my head. “No.”
Sadness fills her eyes. “I hope you get everything you want in life, Xander.”
“Billie.” I clasp her hand and try to pull her to me, but she yanks away. After throwing on her clothes, she walks to the door.
“Billie, you’re the only person I’ll ever love, and you know that. Don’t do this.”
With tears swimming in her eyes, she gives me a final look. “Goodbye, Xander.”
And then she’s gone. “Fuck!” I plop down and punch the pillow on the sofa, in shock for a moment, wondering if we are really done.
Out of nowhere, music plays. It gets louder and louder and finally is so loud, it snaps me back into reality. I sit up in bed, reach for my phone on the nightstand, and turn off the alarm. It takes me a few seconds to register I’m not in my New York apartment. Where am I?
I turn toward the window. Charlotte, sitting in an armchair, her knees curled into her chest, with her lip shaking and tears streaming down her face.
Oh God. What the hell did I just do?
I jump off the bed to go to her, but before I can get around the bed, she says, “Xander, you need to go.”
“Charlotte, I—”
She cuts me off, and more tears stream down her face. “Please, just go.”
“Charlotte—”
“Please, go,” she cries out. “I can’t do this. I thought I could, but I can’t. You’re in love with someone else. Please go.”
“But—”
“Please. If you care about me at all, you’ll go.” Tears are falling fast out of her eyes, and myheart breaks.
What did I say in my sleep? I wince.
“Please, just go,” she whispers.
I throw on my clothes and glance at her one last time. She points to the door, and I turn and leave.
It’s around three in the morning, and the cold darkness embraces me like a blanket, a stark contrast to the warmth and light Charlotte represents.
My hotel is several miles away, and I run as I beat myself up, over and over.
I hurt her. Again.
The dream replays in my mind. I hadn’t believed Noah when he told me Billie wanted me to quit and let her parents pay for my school. Now I do. I know it’s what happened.
But what did I say while I was sleeping?
