“Do you think I’m awful? I signed a contract! Can they sue me?” I start to panic, but Pacey scoots closer and places a comforting hand on my leg.
“They aren’t going to sue you.”
“Calvin would if he could,” I mumble. She doesn’t get it because she doesn’t know him well enough. Lucky her.
“You and Travis dated before, right?” she asks.
I shake my head. “No. More like friends with benefits. But we promised everyone we wouldn’t go there again, not while I’m working for the band.”
“Okay,” she says slowly, nodding along. “But something happened that made you change your mind?”
“I mean, not really. We’ve been flirting a little, but I didn’t think we’d cross the line. It just sort of happened.”
“Maybe there’s still feelings there?”
My head tips back, and I laugh. “Oh, dear Lord, no. What Travis and I had was purely physical. We’re both very sexual people and have great chemistry. Being on the road andnot being able to fulfill my needs has made things difficult, and he was just...there.”
Her brows pinch together like she doesn’t understand. “Ok, so you had a little slip. No big deal. Who else knows?”
“No one. Just you, and Travis of course.”
“Well, if I know one thing about Travis after all these years, it’s that he’s no snitch.” She smiles like she has a little insight into that, and suddenly I’m desperate to know what it is. To know all about young Travis. What he was like as a boy and in high school. I bet he was into everything and such a ladies’ man, like he is now.
The questions don’t leave my lips though. I don’t want her to get the wrong impression.
“You’re right. I’m freaking out over nothing. I just feel incredibly guilty.” Something I’m not used to feeling. I tend to give no fucks. If I want to enjoy pleasure with someone that feels the same, what’s wrong with that? This is slightly different, though, since I’m working for them.
“Don’t worry about it. You’re on tour. Isn’t that what people do?”
“It is!” I sigh, tension easing. I just needed to get it off my chest. Now I can move on and pretend it never happened. Travis and I will go back to being friendly but not flirty and everything will be peachy.
20
TRAVIS
I thought havinga week home in my bed would recharge me and prepare me for the second leg of this tour.
I was wrong. Sleep was still teasing me.
As soon as I got home, I slept for two days, but when I woke up, I was irritable. I had no energy or desire to get off my couch.
I hadn’t planned on taking any pills while I was home. I wanted to catch up on sleep, but waking up and feeling like dogshit wasn’t fun. There were things I had to do: laundry, cleaning, and paying bills. We’ve been gone for almost two months, and I neglected to take care of shit before I left. I realized that when I got home, and had no damn water to shower with.
Without Calvin’s “guy,” I had to dig deep into some of the old buddies I used to party with. I hope it doesn’t get back to Penn.
I was able to score a higher milligram than what Calvin gave me. That shit hasn’t been working as well anyway. I had to pull out some savings my parents set up for me years ago.Since we’re not cashing in any money from this tour until after, I’m running low on funds. Being on tour is expensive.
As soon as it’s over, I’m stopping. I’m not addicted or anything. I don’t even particularly like Adderall. Sure, it’s nice to be wired, but the come-down is awful. I rarely have an appetite, and my mouth is constantly dry, which causes my throat to get scratchy. And that fucks with my voice, and I need my voice.
Now it’s day one back, and our bus broke down two hours away from our venue.
The good news? The crew bus is fine, and all of our equipment is safely there already. Save for Penn’s beloved guitar that he trusts with no one. Bad news? The equipment can’t play itself.
We were lucky enough that the tow truck came quickly, and while Calvin secures us a rental van, we’re killing time at Planet Fitness. Ellie demanded we all get memberships before the tour started, and it has come in handy. A nice, clean place to shower and a toilet that’s safe to flush.
Tanner is the only psycho who works out while we’re here. Says it’s good for his mental health.
“I’m going to hit the sauna, if anyone needs me,” Ellie informs us.
