After that, I promised myself sex would be on my terms. Formyenjoyment. By my demands and no one else’s.
It took some time and therapy to unravel the feelings I had from my one experience. Instead of shutting it down altogether, I reveled in it. I liked the power that came with it when I was the one in control. I might have lost a piece of me to that man, but I wasn’t going to let him take all of me. I wasn’t going to let him ruin sex for me. Once I realized how good it could be with someone, I decided not to limit myself. I didn’t need love.
He didn’t love me, anyway, it was all a ruse, and I’m not looking to be duped again.
Ellie:
Hey girl!
Pacey:
Hi! Did you make it home?
Ellie:
Yes, a few hours ago. What are you up to?
I decidedto text Pacey and let Penn have Olivia a little longer before I storm their apartment. Besides, Pacey and I need to spend some more time together. It doesn’t hurt that I can talk to her about Travis and know that she won’t judge. Not that Liv would, but I know she’ll be disappointed that I caved. She won’t want things to get messy, and I don’t want her to worry.
Pacey:
I’m just trying out some new recipes. It’s not going great FYI.
Ellie:
What are you making?
Pacey:
Macarons. I don’t even know why. I think they’re disgusting.
Ellie:
Girl, make donuts! I will be your willing taste tester anytime!
Pacey:
LOL noted. What are you doing?
Ellie:
Nothing, I’m bored. Do you wanna hang out? I can come help.
Ellie:
I’m sorry that’s a lie. I cannot help. I’m a hazard in the kitchen.
Olivia and I lived on takeout the first two years in college. She got sick of it after a while and wanted to learn to cook. So we watched some videos and became self-sufficient in the basics. She was better than I was. I could burn boiling water, not because I’m incompetent, but because I get distracted easily. Cooking is boooring.
Pacey:
That’s ok! I’d love some company!
Ellie:
See ya soon!!
I liked Pacey the very first time I met her. Even though I mistook her for someone Penn was cheating with, she took it like a champ.
