To our standing high priest, Cyrus and I together was his only option.
It all made sense.
It felt like soil packed into my chest, suffocating my options and my ability to think of a way out. Before Augustine could dismiss us, I turned and left the chamber with a held breath.
How could I marry the man my sister was in love with and it not come between us? What was worse, how would there be a chance to murder Kane on the night of the Crimson Eclipse if I were promised to someone else? There would be no reason for us to be alone together anymore. All opportunities would lead to me being caught. After sixteen long years of waiting, with only two more months left, time had run out.
The sky was dimming as I ran through the cold. Every gust of wind was like a whispering warning. Soon, the sky would soak in the shadow-clad night.
I ran until my feet hit sand and the black sea frosted my feet.
“You failed me again,” I screamed into the coming night, my chest heaving, the bones in my chest splintering, slapping the sea in the face with my temper as if it were a disloyal lover. And perhaps it was.
There was no response. There never was.
I spun to my left and right, arms raised at my sides. “Do you hear me? Are you even listening to me?” The wind rolled over the waves, pushing me away from the sea I was calling out to.
I marched forward again, calves pushing past the current as tears pooled in my eyes. I clenched my fists tightly to keep them from falling. I squeezed until my nails pierced my palms, forcing my tears to just sit there on my lashes.
“I’ve given you so much of me, and you still failed me,” I screamed. “This was my only chance to save her, and now she’s stuck for eternity!”
The porch stepsof my cottage creaked when I climbed them in haste.
“Oh, good! Adora! Could yah tell yah fathah, if it’s not much trouble, to fix thah wood that fell from mah window? One got loose, yah see, and...” It was Mrs. Madder next door. She was bundled inside a hideous green scarf and her late husband’s long, black puffy jacket. She stood in her half-opened doorway, hiding from the descending sun.
“If it’s not too much trouble,” she repeated in a craggy voice. “I’m afraid a tree branch is gonna come straight through like it did down there at Hobb’s Grocery a few months back. Do yah remember?”
It was almost time.
The sun was dying, and I was in no mood to care about her window.
And why must she stir my agitation on this night of all nights? I took a deep breath and dotted the corner of my eye with the tip of my finger. “My father can’t do everything for you at your beck and call, Mrs. Madder. Night’s almost here. You should get inside, and if he isn’t busy in the morning, I’ll have him stop by.”
“Oh, tomorrow’s no good, yah see—”
“Unfortunately, it will have to do.”
“That’s why I—”
“Mrs. Madder, please!” I shouted, stopping her. “He has three daughters and a sick wife. Give him a break!”
I left her standing there and pushed the front door open to walk up the stairs, a hot soothing bath my only clear and welcome thought.
In moments like these, the need to submerge in water matched the need for my next breath. It was the only way to wash away my new reality.
I turned on the wrought iron faucet before lighting candles that lined the cedar walls surrounding the clawfoot tub. Once the water reached the brink, my dress slipped off me, and I stepped in.
The water turned my skin pink and the steam allowed me to breathe. I slid down the porcelain,sinking until I was submerged, my head under water, with silence embracing me.
As my breath was held in my chest, my first thought was what could be running through Cyrus’s mind. I’d run out of the chamber so fast, not thinking about stopping and asking him how he felt about the decision that had been made.
Then my thoughts strayed to Ivy, and how her entire life crumbled in seconds. What would this do to her?
I squeezed my eyes tight under the water, and after so long, my lungs tingled and my diaphragm spasmed, imploring me to take a breath. It reminded me that I needed air and didn’t live in water. Anyone else would have succumbed to that painful urge, but I held on. Whenever that feeling would start, it felt like I wouldn’t make it. That the water would kill me. But each time, I fought it, strengthening my lungs, strengthening myself. Proof that I was good enough for the sea.
As far as I understood it, there was no choice in the matter. I had to hold on because on the other side of holding on, it didn’t hurt anymore.
Minutes had passed by. I didn’t know how many. I’d lost count and focused on my body, listening to what it had to say. My heartbeat slowed, and the leaky faucet dripped, drippedin a rhythmic way.
