I loved her,and perhaps it was a kind of love that wasn’t normal. Perhaps love wasn’t supposed to move something like her, quiet and gentle. Or maybe it wasn’t supposed to move something like me, cruel and unusual. Ours was different—a strange love. A mixture of us. Quietandcruel, sneaking out of the depths of the darkness before plunging a sharp blade into our hearts. The kind of love to be murdered by.
Thin slices of daylight shone between the wooden sheets of the barn. I lifted my head enough to see Phoenix, Zephyr, and Beck off to the side, their voices hushed. My skull pounded. I pinched my eyes closed, then squinted. The positioning of the sun told me it wasn’t noon yet. It was still the first day of Samhain.
“He’s awake,” Phoenix said. The three approached me. I tried to free myself from my restraints and froze when Phoenix squeezed my shoulder. “You’re not going anywhere.”
I tilted my head back and settled my eyes on Zephyr, who stood before me with his arms crossed over his chest. He dropped his gaze to the books stacked at my feet. “Found these in the cabin. I expected something like this from Nix, but not you.”
Phoenix grunted. My teeth ground together behind my mask, having everything and nothing to say.
Zephyr nodded. “What makes you think you are of a higher power? That you’re better than any of us? I’m confused, truly. You speak of loyalty, honesty, this so-called change within the coven, yet where is the loyalty?” Zeph took a step forward, gripped the wrist attached to the palm where my oath was scarred from my middle finger down to my wrist. Then he whispered in my ear through gnashed teeth, “I will get the answers out of you, even if it means toying with your little freak to do so.”
“You will not touch the girl,” Beck stated from behind. “Let’s wait until Clarence arrives.”
“This is pointless.” Phoenix kicked a crate, and it flew across the barn. He stormed toward me, slammed his forehead into mine. “Where are the missing pages?!” he screamed, spit flying, our heads connected. Phoenix Wildes, the wildcard built from ashes of psychedelic gold. My eyes bounced between his, noticing the same desperation I’d come to know, and I hadn’t realized it until now. Perhaps only those who knew Love’s wrath could see it in others. Phoenix Wildes had something to lose too. “WHAT DID YOU DO WITH THEM?”
“Stand back, Wildes,” Clarence’s harsh yet steady voice filled the barn. Phoenix’s chest heaved, and after a moment, he obeyed, stepping back. “I can appreciate the audacity, Blackwell, but I will not stand for it. You and I both are the same as we don’t play games. I will not threaten you, coerce you, or beat it out of you. You have one chance to tell me what I need to know about breaking the curse before I take you to the Order. Pruitt is aware someone broke into the Sacred Sea chamber,” he looked around the room at the Heathens, “We have no choice but to turn him in.”
Beck cocked his head, surprised. “And his spirit element? You would sever it?”
“For the sake of the coven, yes. Pruitt wants the traitor, and we cannot admit Norse Woods’ involvement and risk all of you. We can say Julian acted alone, which isn’t far from the truth. We’ve survived this long without the Danver’s bloodline. And, to be honest, I’m sick and tired of the Blackwells. They have been a disgrace to our coven. I’m certain we can survive without Spirit. At least their shadow-blood wouldn’t be able to take any more lives,” he spat.
Beck rose to his feet. “It was Carrie, and you know that. It was never Julian who did all those things. We found balance when we burned her body at The Wicker Man. You cannot condemn him for those acts any longer.”
“If you turn him over to the Order, we’ll never get the answers,” Phoenix added.
“My question is why Carrie would go through such lengths to use the Blackwells? Something tells me Julian knows more than he’s leading on and cannot be trusted.” Goody clasped his hands in front of him. “He has ten seconds to tell us what he knows. If he doesn’t speak now, I’m sure it is something he planned to take to his grave.” His formidable green eyes settled on mine. “Here’s your chance, Julian. If you give me information that could help, I can use it in your favor and lessen your charges. Your ten seconds start now.”
Tilting my head back, I closed my eyes.
“So … are you … the type … of runner … that doesn’t … talk?” Fallon called out from behind me as I leaped over the dip in the earth. I jerked behind me, making sure she was following me as we ran through the woods to my cabin.
“What do you want to talk about?” I called back with a smile, noticing her shortness of breath.
“For starters …” she appeared beside me, and we fell into a rhythm, “Free will versus fate.”
“Wow,rightto the gut.”
I ducked under a branch, dipped around a bend as the debate sank in. At the academy, we’d discussed free will. One professor had posed the question of whether our free will had been manipulated by cause and effect and previous occurrences entirely out of our control. Begging the question, had I ever decided anything about my current life or was it all forced upon me by years and years of circumstance and gradual guidance? And if so, if outside forces influenced my every moment and decision, then did I ever really have free will to begin with as our belief stated? Did any of us? Was this very moment the result of rebellion? If I’d never been turned into a cursed monster, would I still be here, running in the woods with Fallon?
“Free will is a delusion, from the moment we’re born.”
“How so?” Fallon was keeping up in her dress.
I ran faster. Challenged her. Pushed her limits.
“Our families, professors, the coven, the town, they all feed us bias information to lean one way instead of educating from all perspectives and allowing us to think for ourselves.” I looked over, making sure she was keeping up as I clutched the books under my arm. “Answer me this, was it your free will to come to Weeping Hollow?”
“Yes,” she answered in a keen cutting whisper.
I cocked my head to face her. “Really?” I asked, incredulous. “Stop lying to yourself. You were manipulated, no? Pressured? Be honest, if you never received the letter, you would have never come even after having knowledge of Weeping Hollow. We would have never met. The seed was planted into your mailbox. How is that free will when a circumstance came that was beyond your control?”
Fallon’s expression pinched together in thought while her body bobbed beside me, and she shrugged. “I … beg … to differ.”
I laughed. “How so?”
“Everyone told you to stay away, but you didn’t. You went … against … the Order. And you still came for me. How … is that … not free will?”
“That’s cute,” I told her. “You thinking I have any sort of power.”
