She held a finger up at me as she swallowed her last bite. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, you don’t have to believe in love for it to exist because love is not somethingyouchoose—love chooses you. And when love happens, you will know because there will be no other explanation.”
An awkward silence fell over us as I stared at her, trying to blink her advice away.
Nope, it was still there—in the air—swallowing me whole and spitting me back out.
“Just think about it,” she said with her palms in the air.
The thought of seeing Ollie kept me pacing my dorm room, all the while keeping an eye on the little hand as it slowly ticked by the second. I couldn’t understand why I was so nervous to see him. He’d told me he was in love with me. His words belonged in movies and romance novels. I didn’t deserve for those words to belong in my life, especially coming from him.
Ten more minutes,I told myself—only needed ten more minutes. No one knew I was back yet, and I’m sure everyone—maybe not Bria, but everyone else—would be happy to see me. But would they be glad to see the new Mia—the Mia who had feelings and shed tears? I was still trying to get to know my new self at the same time as sorting my past, sorting my feelings with Ollie, and sorting this torment with Oscar.
Sorting.
Filling my lungs, I opened my door and walked out into the hallway. When I approached the mess hall, I paused under the archway to scan the room, but Ollie was nowhere in sight.
“Mia?!” A shriek bounced and I immediately knew it was Jake. He stood from his table with wide eyes and his mouth agape. In no time, his arms were around me. “You’re back!”
After he pulled away, he walked me over to the table as warm smiles greeted me from the rest of them.
“Was it as bad as everyone says it is?” Isaac asked.
“No, not really. Honestly, I was unconscious the majority of the time, so I don’t remember too much …” I trailed off as I scanned the room again impatiently.
“He’s not here,” Alicia said. “He hasn’t eaten with us since you left.”
“It’s fucking strange. I’ve never seen Ollie like this before,” Isaac added.
Bria sat in silence as she kept her eyes on the table before her.
“I’m going to go find him. I’ll see you guys later.”
My hands shook as I approached Ollie’s door, and I ran them down the front of my pants before waving them in the air to shake out my nerves. I knocked twice over his door, and his beautiful raspy voice came from the other end.
“Who’s there?”
His voice resurrected my Ollie-smile.
“Water,” I said, this time in my American accent.
Seconds passed, and I imagined seeing his lips turn up into his contagious smile.
“Water who?”
“Water you doing, love? Let me in …” I laughed.
The door opened, and Ollie stood in his black jeans, loose white tee, and a lopsided grin. His hair poked out from under his beanie as he leaned against the open door. “I’m dreaming, yeah?” His body relaxed at the sight of me. “Because if I am, don’t you dare wake me up.” I closed the gap between us and reached for his hand before lacing my fingers in his. Ollie’s eyes closed as a slow exhale left his lips. “I was lost without you.”
He pulled my hand around his waist and wrapped his long arms over me, pinning me to his chest. And we stood like that for a while, holding each other in an affectionate silence, unwilling to let each other go. Burying my face into his chest, I knew Ollie had been the one to show me how to save myself.
He pressed his lips against my forehead before his chin rested over the top of my head. “I’m so sorry. I tried to get to you, but I couldn’t, and I don’t know what to do, Mia. Please, tell me this means you’re back …”
“I am, and it’s going to be different now.”
He dipped his head back to see my face. “What do you mean?”
“I didn’t say anything before because I wasn’t sure myself, but Ollie, I remember everything that happened to me. But most importantly, I can feel, and it’s going to stay. I’mstaying. All you asked was for me to believe in us, and I do. That belief turned into something beautiful, and now I understand.” My voice broke as my eyes watered. “I’m staying because with you I have a home, Ollie … it’s in here.” I rested my palm against his chest.
A single tear fell from his eye before he wiped his face on the sleeve of his shirt. “Emotional intensity …” he reminded me through a mutter as if crying in front of me would make me look at him differently.
