Dad shakes my shoulder. “Life is unpredictable as is. It’s not always fair or forgiving, but you’ve found something incredible. Do you think I deserved your mother? Deserved to have this incredible son with her? I didn’t. I could hold on to that thinking if I wanted, but instead I count my fucking blessings. It doesn’t matter if I truly deserved them or not, I got those decades with her. I have you. So stop giving up on yourself. Just live your life like your mother would have wanted.”
I bury my face in my hands, letting out muffled curses. Here I was about to place my anger on him for being calm and now I don’t even know how to explain what I’m feeling. A small, pained laugh comes out when her voice from earlier comes in my head. “She did say more men should listen to her, didn’t she?”
“Never heard truer words. My life was better when I listened and did what she said.” Dad’s laugh comes out sounding slightly lighter than mine. “I wasn’t always perfect at it, and it took me a minute to really figure that out. Loving her is the easiest thing I ever did, but getting to have a life with her—even now, I’m still the luckiest guy in the world, all because of her.”
I let out a breath with a heavy heart. “I’m going to miss her so fucking much.”
The hug he wraps me in nearly sends me over the edge. “I know, son, I will too, but you won’t have to go through this alone.”
I grip on to his arm trying to find any sort of grounding, and then there’s a knock at the door.
I swallow hard and finally find the strength to open my eyes. “That must be someone with the coroner’s office.”
With one more tight squeeze, Dad lets me go and we’re both on our feet. “I’ll go get it, you wait here.”
I should probably go with him, but I can’t seem to move to follow him. I can’t move, period. Can’t find the will to sit back down or take the step to actually be there for my dad.
That is, until I hear, “Beck?”
I’m not sure if I’m hallucinating or what, but at the sound of Jensen’s voice, I’m turning.
At the sight of her my feet move instantly. I wrap her in my arms and this still feels like a dream. It’s not until her sweet cherry blossom shampoo registers in my brain and her arms finally wrap around my back that it feels real.
“You’re here. You’re really here.”
“I’m here,” she whispers. “I’m here.”
I hold onto her, letting her presence fully consume me. For how long, I’m not sure, and eventually, I have to lean back to look at her face because some part of me still doesn’t believe it.
“You’re here,” I repeat.
Tears pool in her beautiful eyes and the softest smile comes to her face. “I’m here.” Reaching up, her thumb glides across my cheek wiping at the tears I didn’t even know we’re falling.
My dad claps my back before reaching to hug Jensen. “Thank you for coming.”
Her eyes flash to me, and I see all the pain I caused in them for the briefest second, but then it’s gone. “Of course, thank you for getting me here.”
“You did this?” I look to my dad—and he thinks he’s the luckiest man in the world…
“I told you, I won’t lose you too. I won’t let you self-destruct,” he says, so matter-of-fact that I feel the punch in the gut that it was meant to be. “I’ll let you two have a minute.”
I pull Jensen to me and give him a small nod. “Thank you…for everything.”
He drops his head with a small smile, then looks to Jensen. “Just so you know, his mom would not want you to let him get away with this easily. Give him hell, it’d make her proud.”
I feel Jensen’s muscles tense in my arms. She’s not going to want to do that, she’s going to let me get by without talking about this.
I wait for my dad to disappear into the kitchen then take a few short seconds more of holding her close. I press a kiss to her head. “He’s right, you know.”
“Beck,” she whispers. “Now’s not?—”
I cut her off cradling her face in my hands. “No, now is just fine. Don’t tell me it’s okay. Force me to talk about this, like I do with you.”
I can practically see her thinking it through and god, am I so glad that I see that fight in her win. She pushes back out of my hold. “You said you were with me, Beck!”
Running her hands through her hair, she takes a slow breath. “I don’t know how to have this fight with you right now. And you know what, maybe I won’t. I won’t force you to talk about why you left. Don’t tell me your apologies or reasons, not now. I just want you to listen to me.”
Yep, Mom would have absolutely loved her.
