Except, nothingactuallyhappened.
Not fully.
Not like I wanted.
Sure, we kissed, hot and heavy, and he put his mouth on my breasts, but it didn’t go any further than that. We’d been interrupted. I’d raced out of there, afraid and also ashamed. But his awkwardness toward me today is killing me.
The intimate moment almost wasn’t worth it since by taking a step forward, we took two steps back.
My heart aches but I have no idea what to do about it. We didn’t meet naturally. He’s my mom’s new husband. Fake or not, it’s messy. There’s nothing easy about any of it.
I hate that he feels the need to retreat from me, though it’s probably for the best for both of us.
“I have to go into work early,” Mom says when she breezes into the kitchen smelling of new perfume and wearing more makeup than usual. “I’ll take Penny to Carol’s but I’ll need for you to pick her up, Mei.”
I frown as Penny stuffs more bananas into her mouth. “She’ll be over there for a long time since today is my late class day. You sure you don’t want me to drop her off in a few hours when I go in.”
Mom stiffens as if I’ve said something wrong. I can feel Owen’s curiosity at our exchange.
“I know it’s hard to believe,” Mom says icily as she cleans the banana goo off my sister, “but I’m the mother here. Not you. Do as you’re told.”
The kitchen goes quiet at her snappy response. My emotions are already a mess, so this sends me over the edge. Tears well in my eyes and refusing to let them fall in front of an audience, I dart away from the table, making a hasty exit to the privacy of the bathroom.
Mom has always been difficult to connect with, but lately, it’s worse than ever. It’s as if she resents me for being a part of her family. With the bathroom door safely locked, I slide down the door to the floor, bury my face in my hands, and quietly cry.
Just when I find a little brightness in my life with Owen, like last night, I’m reminded that I’m not meant to have happiness. It’s must my lot in life.
So why do I get surprised by it and let it hurt me each time?
School was a blur. I listened numbly to my professors and diligently did my assignments, but aside from that, I don’t remember much else. The highlight of my day is getting to see Carol and Penny. And, thankfully, the creepy silver sedan isn’t parked outside.
The air is frigid but at least it’s not snowing at the moment. I climb out of my warm car and hurry up the freshly shoveled driveway to Carol’s house. Since she’s expecting me, I let myself inside, eager for warmth, smiles, and sweet treats.
“Hello, Mei,” a man says softly as he rocks my sleeping sister in his arms. “How was school?”
Carol’s son Christopher is a cop and is already dressed in uniform. With him holding Penny, it worries me that maybe Carol isn’t doing that well. I’ve lowkey been worried about when Carol gets too old to sit for Penny. The thought of taking her out of a loving home and thrusting her into a crowded daycare has me wondering if I should quit college altogether.
Mom and Dad would freak out if I skipped out on college to babysit Penny.
“Carol okay?” I ask as I set my purse down gently on the coffee table as not to make too much noise.
He chuckles and it makes Penny stir in his arms. “The woman never sits still. She’s making muffins.”
Penny is usually fine with playing in the kitchen while Carol works. Seeing her son help with the sitting rubs me the wrong way for some reason.
“I can take her,” I tell him, holding out my arms.
His eyebrows knit together and a brief flash of emotion washes over him. It makes me feel kind of mean for wanting totake her away from him. I suppose she is pretty adorable and easy to get attached to. Owen and his kids are already in love with her, and they’ve known her far less time than Christopher has.
“First, let me check on Carol,” I say in defeat. “Be right back.”
Relief flickers in his eyes and he rewards me with a bright smile. I stifle a sigh and make my way into the kitchen. Carol is licking batter straight from the spatula. She’s such a cute old lady. I’m grateful to see her up and about and perfectly well. The idea of losing her one day hurts.
“Hey,” I greet as I enter her space. “How was Penny today?”
Carol flashes me a wrinkly smile and tosses the spatula into the sink. “Get over here. I need a hug.”
I eagerly go to her, letting the elderly woman embrace me with a warm, motherly hug. We both know I’m the one who needs it. She squeezes me tight and kisses my head.
