He still felt unsure about going to visit his mother, but if she died, as Lynn had all but pointed out, he would be denied the opportunity of having a conversation with her.
Not for the first time, Mark wished that he could have had a mother like Alice, who had been denied the opportunity to have a child of her own. Life really could be cruel sometimes.
Perhaps he would go and say a final goodbye to his mother after all. Maybe it would bring them both some peace of mind. And he knew that Alice would approve.
FORTY
JESS
The day seemed to be dragging in the supermarket. Monday was always a little quiet in the shop, but it was going at a snail’s pace today, the time on Jess’s watch hardly moving every time she glanced at it.
The tills were quiet, so she was replenishing shelves with fresh sandwiches and snacks in the fridge section, part of meal deals ready for the lunchtime shoppers.
‘Penny for your thoughts?’
A middle-aged colleague pulled Jess out of her daydream, after she had absent-mindedly placed a box of Scotch eggs in the drinks section.
‘You’ve been miles away all morning,’ said her co-worker as she took the food and placed it in the correct section of the fridge.
Try as she might, Jess had been unable to stop thinking about the kiss in the cocktail bar. Surely Declan must have thought about it too? She could not recall the last time a kiss had given her goosebumps like the ones she had felt. She had also been thinking about the house sale, and could feel the beginnings of a headache.
‘Oh my goodness, what am I like? I am just tired I think,’ replied Jess, who had tossed and turned in her bed last night going over the events of Saturday evening.
A part of her wished she had never agreed to go on a date with Declan. Her life was fine with Maisie, despite her occasional longing for some company in the evening. Things were uncomplicated and Jess liked it that way. Maybe there was something to be said for keeping yourself to yourself.
For the first time she wondered whether it might be a good thing if the house sale forced them to go their separate ways, despite the small matter of finding somewhere else to live.
‘Then go and grab a coffee; I’ll take my break later,’ said her co-worker kindly.
‘Thanks, I might just do that,’ said Jess gratefully.
She had half expected to run into Declan this morning, but there had been no sign of him. He was clearly regretting Saturday night but didn’t have the courage to tell her. She hoped he was not deliberately avoiding her. She would rather he came straight out and told her he didn’t think there could be anything between them, for whatever reason, rather than have blurred lines.
As she sipped her coffee in the canteen she decided that when she eventually spoke to him she would not mention seeing him in Southport, as what would be the point? Better off to find out early that he was a player. There was no way she would let anyone into her and Maisie’s life who was unreliable, no matter how handsome they were.
This is why I have stayed single for so long, Jess thought to herself as she sipped her strong coffee, hoping it might help her get through her shift. She had survived this long without a man in their lives and that was not about to change any time soon.
FORTY-ONE
DECLAN
Declan decided to call in sick this morning. He had barely slept a wink last night and ended up with a bad stomach, although perhaps he had worked himself up over nothing.
He hated the thought of that being the case. He was made from stronger stuff than that, but the guys he had walked past near the train station on his date with Jess had looked familiar, even in the dark. He could not bear the thought of having to look over his shoulder when he went out. His life was peaceful around here. He wanted it to stay that way.
More than anything, he was worried he had screwed things up with Jess. He had gone cold on her at the door when they had said goodnight, and he could sense her unease, but his head had been all over the place. And after that he’d avoided her, even when looking after Alice.
Although still in Merseyside, his old neighbourhood miles across the city felt like a world away from Blundellsands, with its wide, leafy streets. Here people sat on benches in local parks reading books rather than doing drug deals. If it was the bloke he thought it was, he had no right being in a place like this.
He would be lucky if Jess gave him the time of day after the abrupt end to their evening on Saturday, he thought to himself as he made himself a coffee, and sat staring into space.
At least popping in and checking on Alice had distracted him a little and thank God she was almost better now. She was certainly made of strong stuff, he thought to himself. And at least she would not have the upheaval of searching for accommodation just now, as the house was showing no sign of being sold quickly.
He idly flicked through TV channels to find something that might distract him, but his mind kept reliving the events of all those years ago.
He had decided to call a cousin from his old neighbourhood who he had lost contact with, and asked to meet her in Southport, which, despite her initial surprise, she had agreed to. Chatting to her over lunch ought to have put his mind at rest, yet he still felt spooked. He wondered if he always would.
As he sipped his coffee he told himself to get a grip. He’d paid his dues, and surely if the guy had recognised him he would have done something about it, rather than walking away? Years had passed, he reasoned, telling himself that he really ought to stop imagining things. His cousin had pretty much told him the same thing. She had last heard that the family in question had moved to Ireland.
