But surely he was imagining things.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Evelyne hadnotslept well. She had been worked up in too many different ways. First and foremost, angry at the rigid thinking that didn’t allow Gabriel tounderstand. That he would find fault withherrather than question his own misguided feeling.
But there was a sadness, a regret, underneath all that. Because she didn’t know how to get through to him. She had known his issues had kept this barrier between them, but she hadn’t understood how deep and how long he’d held these issues. Nursed them.
She wanted to have hope that when their baby was born, he would see life for what it was: complicated and difficult. There was always guilt and wrong choices, but on the other hand, there was always hope and good choices too. That he was not forever cursed by something he hadn’t even done.
She did not understand punishing oneself for a choice theyhadn’tmade.
But now she worried even the birth of their child would not soften him if her confession of love hadn’t so much as slowed him in his tracks. If he could not admit he loved her, or accept she loved him, he would always hold this wall between them. Out of fear—not for himself, of course, but for those he loved.
And he did love, whether he admitted it or not. Just as she loved.
Funnily enough, this was her concern. That the deep abiding love he felt would be their undoing. It would maintain that wall, even in the face of their child. Perhaps especially in the face of their child.
Because he thought himself a monster.
He wasn’t. Atall, but he’d made her afraid now, that if they went on as they were, their child would only get glimpses of the real Gabriel. Forever. The loving man who existed underneath his need to be distanced from such feelings would be all they ever knew.
She tried to look at it from an unbiased point of view. Maybe she was letting her feelings for Gabriel soften the blow of this admission of his. Maybe he really would have killed that man had Alexandre not intervened. Maybe hewasa monster, and because that was what she’d grown up with, she loved a monster. Maybe these were her own traumas and issues at play.
But Evelyne just kept coming back to what she’d grown up with. Men who wielded power and force to get what they wanted. Familiar? Yes, but not what she sought out.
This was not in Gabriel’s heart, no matter how much he feared it. She had been the driving force in everything between them. Nothim. And everything he’d done for her had either been in service to Alexandre, her, or his need to keep that wall between them erected.
Even when he’d been mean to her, tried to discard her, he hadn’t done it with his fists. He hadn’t even really done any damage with his words.
Or does love and lust cloud your judgment?
She didn’t have any answers, but the idea of clouding her judgment gave her an idea. There was someone’s judgment she always trusted. She got dressed for the day, forced herself to eat despite not feeling hungry at all.
“I will take care of you no matter what,” she murmured to the baby.
Then she headed for Alexandre’s office. Despite his assistant’s many protestations that the king had an important meeting soon that he was readying for, Evelyne walked right in, closed the door behind her before his assistant could follow and interfere.
She flipped the lock.
“Alex. I need you to tell me about what happened with this Gia woman.”
Alex looked up from his computer. He blinked once or twice, no doubt to focus on her instead of the screen. “Pardon me?”
“This Gia woman Gabriel was involved with when you both were young. This man he beat so badly. I want to hear your version.”
Alexandre was quiet for some time. When he finally spoke, it was with an annoying lack of emotion. “It is not my place to tell his story.”
Evelyne shook her head. “Hetold me his story. And expects me to…fear him now, or something. I want your point of view. I want your side of the story as an observer. So I can understand. So I can…figure this out.”
Alexandre studied her for quite some time. When he asked his question, it was completely devoid of emotion. “Do you fear Gabriel?”
She rolled her eyes. “Don’t be ridiculous. He is almost as good and honest as you.”
“You say that like an insult, Evelyne.”
She merely raised a brow.
Alexandre sighed, pinched the bridge of his nose. Eventually he got to his feet, came around the desk and took her arm. He moved her around his desk, nudged her to take the seat he’d left.
