The pain of that simple, easy revelation was unbearable. She couldn’t… “Evelyne, what a mistake.”
She shrugged. “People make mistakes. I have seen the width and breadth of mistakes people can make. For good reasons and for bad. I cannot… I cannot feel the way you feel about this. I’m sorry. I know you want me to, but I remember what it feels like to be eighteen and wanting to exact revenge. Older, in fact. If you recall, not that long ago, I was ready for poor Jordi to suffer my father’s consequences because he had refused to run away with me.”
“That is not the same.”
“You’re right. It’s worse. Jordi simply disappointed me. He didn’t try toharmme.” She lifted an eyebrow. “Do you recall what my father was capable of?”
He shook his head. Yes, the king had been dangerous, and yes, Evelyne’s flippant remark about blaming Jordi for her disappearance had not been a decision made with clearheaded thinking, but she hadn’tinsisted. She hadn’t actually planned or plotted or done anything about it.
“Do you think I fear you? Because when you were young you hurt someone in an effort to save a woman you loved?” Evelyne demanded. “You think I fearyouas much or more than I feared the man whoactuallyput his hands on me in violence? His own daughter? Not a stranger harming others?”
Gabriel could not look at her. He hated when she brought her abuse up as if it was such a simple fact of life. But she was changing the subject, and he could not let her. “You should fear me. That potential that marred your childhood is inside me. I saw it. I felt it. You must fear me, Evelyne. It is our only hope.”
She shrugged, so nonchalant. “I will not.”
“And if the monster I have learned to repress threatens our son because that chain breaks? Perhaps I would never lay a hand on you or him, but that is not the only way to traumatize someone with violence. Gia saw a monster in me. She could never look at me again. She was right.”
She heaved out a sigh. Frustration dug into her expression but not what needed to—that fear, concern, worry.Anything.
“I lived with a monster all my life, Gabriel,” she said very directly. “Monsters do not have remorse. They do not concern themselves with the feelings of others. They do not listen to friends who intervene. You can try to convince me that somehow you are a threat, but Iknowthreats.”
“You cannot know every threat simply because your father beat you, Evelyne.”
She inhaled deeply, eventually nodded. Some agreement that allowed a ray of hope to pierce through all this worry. “You are right.”
ThankGod, he thought, sure the heavy weight on his shoulders was just relief.
“But let me ask you this, Gabriel. Do you think I would have done anything but applaud if you’d been the one to kill my father, even in front of me?”
Gabriel didn’t know how to fully engage with that question. It was different. She was conflating things, but he did not know how to get that through her thick skull. Because clearly it was just stubbornness that she didn’t understand.
She couldn’t possibly berightabout things he’d been living with for over ten years. She could not see more clearly. She didn’t understand.
“You wanted to protect a woman you loved. I cannot fault you for that. I cannot fault you for being angry enough to do something about it.”
“I would have killed—”
“You do not know what you would have done, because you did not get the chance. Alexandre may have stopped you with his words, butyouallowed those words to matter, Gabriel.”
“I allowed nothing. I stillwantedit, Evelyne. But I knew it would be the end of my life, and I did not want to hurt my parents. Thanks to Alexandre, I finally put something else ahead of my impulses, but only because of his interference.”
“I suppose it’s quitesimplethen,” she said, the wordsimpledripping with sarcasm. “If you are in the wrong, then so am I. Because that doesn’t bother me. Do you know how many plans I had to kill my own father? How I would have done it if I’d thought I could actually accomplish it?”
He wanted to shout. She was so frustrating. And purposefully so. Her wanting to kill her abuser was not the same. Could not be the same. “You…do not understand. You are young and naïve. This is more complex.”
Evelyne had the nerve to roll her eyes. “Ah, yes, back to my simplistic views on life. How’s this for simple? I thinkyouare naïve, Gabriel. I think you stopped maturing in that moment. All your surface, all your…keep yourself apart. All it is is a childish desire to control…how you feel. HowIfeel. Instead of deal.”
He found himself speechless. She waswrong. He didn’t have to engage with her accusation to know she was just…flat-out dead wrong. Confused.Shelteredfor all the pain she’d dealt with.
She would not accept this. She was too stubborn. Too certain of herself. Too used to having her own opinions verified. She could not understand.
It was unfathomable.
“Good night, Evelyne. Get some sleep.”
She laughed, the sound a bit caustic. Harsh enough he felt himself wince. “Good night, Gabriel.”
And he could have sworn he heard her say, as he left her room,run away again.
