Vance lets out a laugh, and Ashleigh giggles uncontrollably, but I remain stoic and respond, “Yo mama is so stupid, she was told her password needed eight characters, so she typedSnow White and the Seven Dwarfs.”
I actually see my father’s nostril twitch. It’s hard to get him to break, but he’s damn close right now. Once again, Vance and Ashleigh laugh. Even Jagger snickers at that one.
Dad eventually regains control before staring at me in the eyes and saying, “Yo mama is like a vacuum cleaner. She sucks, she blows, and she gets laid in the closet.”
I spit out laughing, as does everyone except Jagger. She rolls her eyes, per usual. I love hearing my father laugh. It’s loud and makes the house feel like it’s shaking. I’m told I have the same laugh, but I don’t think it’s quite at his level. His always feels like home to me.
Ashleigh giggles at everything he says, whether it’s funny or not. I’m never sure if she understands half of what he says, but she always appears amused. She pats his hand and smiles. “WTF, honey.”
Jagger and I share bemused looks as I remember she told me that Ashleigh thinks WTF means,wow, that’s fantastic.
I love my family. When I get married, I want one just like it.
NINE
KENNEDY
Ihand Alyssa a case of champagne as I walk through their apartment door. “Thanks for having me.” I bend down to kiss her cheek. “Happy New Year to my favorite pillow princess,” I joke. I know she’s the more dominant one in their relationship.
I’ve spent a lot of time with Alyssa and Shay in the past few weeks. Everyone else went home to their respective families, but they stayed in town and adopted me as a would-be family member.
She smiles up at me with amusement. “I’m no pillow princess. I’m a dommy mommy. If you remember, my nickname in college wasthevagilante.” She flicks her tongue, complete with a piercing, suggestively.
I burst out laughing. “I didnotknow that, but I like the name. I wouldn’t mind a man with that nickname. I might as well date a woman. Every man I’ve ever dated is nothing but a little bitch.” I sigh. “Life would be so mucheasier if I were into women.”
She smirks. “It sure would. And Happy New Year to you too. Thanks for bringing all the champagne.”
“No biggie. I sent Booster out for it today.” I let out a laugh. “He’s only eighteen. It was a fucking riot watching him sweat it out at the liquor store. He’s so uptight. I love forcing him to do things that make him uncomfortable. Last week I made him give me a pedicure.”
She raises an unamused eyebrow. “I can’t believe you have an intern. Ireallycan’t believe some of the shit you make him do.”
I smile. “I know. It’s the best. He does my laundry, irons, cleans, makes my bed in the morning, and basically runs all the errands I can possibly think of. He’s also our towel boy at the off-season workouts. He does every little thing I ask of him without a single complaint. It’s amazing.”
“It’s indentured servitude,” she responds.
“Pft. It’s a resume builder for him. Booster wanted the job. He loves the attention. I think he has a crush on me. It’s cute. It’s like having a dog without the hassles of walking him.”
“Isn’t his name Rooster, not Booster?” she asks.
“Yes, but I don’t like Rooster. It’s lame, and he’s super short. Booster is more fitting. That’s what I call him, and I’m the boss. Can’t argue with the boss.”
She rolls her eyes. “You’re one of a kind. Come in. Everyone is hanging out in the living room.”
We’re all having dinner and drinks at Alyssa and Shay’s apartment before going out to celebrate New Year’s Eve at a karaoke bar. I’m so excited to let loose and have a good time.
It’s a Wednesday, and I guess my dad gave the guys tomorrow off because they’re primed to party. The Camels are having a great season and have locked in the two-seed for the playoffs. Their last game this upcoming weekend is meaningless for their playoff seeding, so I imagine most of the starters won’t play more than a quarter or two.
Everyone from our usual gang is here except Sulley. We haven’t seen her since she left for Italy in October. She’ll be back at some point in January. I’ve missed her, but we talk on the phone all the time. She’s been a good sounding board for me regarding my family issues, gently encouraging me to make amends.
Despite spending Christmas Eve with Alyssa and Shay, I begrudgingly spent Christmas morning with my family. My father hosted. Unfortunately, my mother attended, but I mostly ignored her. The tensest moment, however, didn’t come from her. It came from an anonymous gift left for me under my father’s tree. None of my family members seemed to have been in the know as to what it was and who it was from. At some point, my father wanted to call in the bomb squad, but when I saw a red flag sticking out of it, I knew who it was from.
I asked my father if Daylen had stopped by during the week. He said yes, and he couldn’t figure out why.
I knew why.
I contemplated whether or not to open it up in front of my family, but curiosity got the better of me.
I should have waited.
