Maybe it really is just time for me to get over Charles Sinclair.
SINCLAIR
I don’t know why, but strolling down to Ebrington with Eleanor after study hour so that we can ‘get to know each other better’ feels like cheating. The two of us haven’t spent much time out and about alone together before, but this never gets awkward. Eleanor is just so easy to talk to. She asks me questions and tells me things about her life, as if we’d done this for ever. I really do like her, I realize – if I hadn’t before – when we’re sitting opposite each other in the Blue Room Café and she pulls out her phone to make a note of the films I’ve been recommending.
‘They all sound really cool,’ she says, putting her phone away again. As she looks up and smiles at me, I sense we’re through the small-talk part of this conversation now. The waiter brings tea for me and caramel latte for Eleanor and sets them down. I wrap my fingers around the dark blue china cup.
‘Honestly, I don’t know the best way to say this,’ she says, suddenly sounding nervous. My stomach grumbles as Eleanor glances down. ‘So, I’d better just get started and spit it out. Well, we’re supposed to be getting to know each other and I want to be completely honest with you, to avoid any silly misunderstandings.’ She looks at me again.
My blood runs cold.
She knows. She knows I’m pretending to have a crush on her. Doesn’t she? Stuff like that gets around a school like ours and Eleanor has plenty of friends.
Should I deny it? Not that she’d think I really . . .
Eleanor takes a deep breath. ‘Me and my girlfriend are OK with kissing scenes in rehearsals and the performance. We’ve talked about how far I’ll go.’
She speaks so fast that I just nod. It’s only then that I take in the meaning of her words.
Hold the bus.
Girlfriend?
Does that mean . . .?
I only realize I’m staring at Eleanor when she lowers her head again.
‘OK, yeah,’ I say hurriedly. ‘Cool. Uh . . . not cool, good.’Shit. Stop talking.‘But it is cool too. Fuck . . . Sorry, I’d better just shut up now.’
Eleanor looks at me and I tail off. She bites her bottom lip, and a second later, the tension between us breaks as she laughs loudly. It’s so infectious that I join in, too, and feel myself relaxing.
‘Oh, wow. I was worried it would be weird to tell you, but I didn’t know it would bethatweird!’
‘Sorry, sorry,’ I repeat. ‘That’s a hundred per cent just me.’
‘I wanted you to know,’ she says, sounding more serious again now. Her eyes flit around the café, and although there’s only us and a group of older women here, she lowers her voice. ‘And it would mean the world to me if you didn’t tell anyone.’ She gulps. ‘It’s . . . all still mega-confusing and nobody at school knows except my best friends. I . . . I don’t know, maybe it’s silly, but I don’t feel ready yet.’
‘It’s not silly,’ I say. ‘Not at all. It’s your decision, and if that’s what you feel happiest with, I totally respect it.’
A slight smile creeps over Eleanor’s face. ‘Thank you, Sinclair.’
‘Thank you for trusting me,’ I say, and I really mean it. ‘Do I know her?’ I ask.
‘We got together online,’ Eleanor says, burying her face in her hands. ‘On TikTok.’
I can’t help laughing. ‘No way?’
‘Yeah, it’s a bit cringy, but what can I say? Sophia’s a student in London, so we’ve only met in person a couple of times.’ A fine red blush spreads over Eleanor’s cheeks. She looks like Juliet. At that moment I understand who she’s thinking of when she slips into her role.
‘That’s so lovely,’ I say. ‘Seriously, Eleanor. And I promise not to tell anyone.’
Not even Tori . . . Even though it would probably make things instantly way less complicated if I let her know that Eleanor’s got a girlfriend. But she told me in confidence, and if there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s keeping stuff to myself.
‘How about you?’ Eleanor asks. I lift my head. ‘Are you OK with kissing me on stage?’
‘Sure,’ I say at once. Should I have hesitated a bit longer? I don’t want her to think I want more from her.
‘I just wondered. Because of Tori.’
