‘Yeah, it is. I think it’s going to take time. I have to see first if he really means it this time. Otherwise I’m only gonna get hurt again.’
‘That sounds wise.’ And I know what I’m talking about. Getting hurt by someone who doesn’t really mean something is my specialist subject.
‘So everything’s OK with Sinclair?’
Great. She’s not going to drop it till I tell her the truth. I sigh, which is meant to sound irritated, but all at once, I’m on the point of bursting into tears.
‘Oh, Tori,’ Emma murmurs, as it’s getting harder and harder for me to blink away the tears.
‘I don’t think anything’s OK, really.’ I eventually get some words out. ‘Not me and Sinclair either.’
‘Henry says you’re working on the script now too.’ She doesn’t have to say anything else. I’m sure Emma knows exactly how shite that feels.
‘Yeah, I dunno.’ I wipe my eyes with my sleeve. ‘It’s all gone so wrong, Emma. But I shouldn’t care. I can’t expect Sinclair not to like anyone else when I’m dating Val.’
‘Are you happy with Val?’ she asks.
‘Yeah, course. But well . . . Why isn’t it enough for me? Why aren’t I happy, Emma?’
‘Maybe your heart’s trying to tell you something,’ she suggests quietly.
I gulp because I can’t think about that. ‘But it doesn’t matter either way. Sinclair’s into Eleanor. He said so himself.’
‘Come on, Tori, let’s face it – even he doesn’t actually believe that.’
‘Yes, he does. He told me so the night after the New Year Ball, when he was so wrecked.’
Emma looks thoughtfully at me. ‘What are you afraid of?’ she asks in the end.
My chest constricts slightly.
Yeah, OK, what? Everything, to be honest. Of being rejected, of making a fool of myself. Of mistaking friendship for feelings, and of losing Sinclair. ‘I don’t want to break what we have,’ I say. ‘And then there’s Val.’
‘So, are you two together?’ Emma is clearly making an effort to sound neutral.
I shrug. ‘Don’t know. Kind of.’ Even though we’ve barely seen each other lately.
‘And is that what you want?’
Not. A. Clue.
Honestly, I don’t know. I don’t know anything any more, haven’t done for way too long.
Something about Valentine Ward fascinates me. Maybe just that it’smehe’s paying attention to. But is that enough to be with someone for?
I want to be with Sinclair but that’s not an option.
‘Did you ever try not to like him?’
Emma looks at me thoughtfully. ‘Henry?’
I nod.
‘Of course I tried. The whole time. But I knew it was hopeless. It was destiny, him and me.’
Destiny. It really was. Made for each other, no arguments.
But if that was true for Sinclair and me too, some higher power would have brought us together ages ago by now.
