Because that's all I can do right now.
Survive.
One day at a time.
22
Daniel
The penthouse is too quiet when I get home.
My face throbs where his fist connected. My ribs ache. Every breath reminds me that I deserved worse than what he gave me.
I stand in the doorway for a full minute before I can make myself move inside.
The silence is deafening.
I pour a drink. Don't touch it. Sit in the dark with Trevor's words echoing in my head.
"She told you to figure out WHY you did this. So figure it out."
Bailey had asked me the same thing. Why did I do it? And I couldn't answer.
I still can't.
All I know is that when she looked at me with love in her eyes, terror choked me. When she reached for me, every instinct screamed to run. When she got too close to the fire inside me, I burned her before she could burn me.
But why?
I was afraid. Of what? Becoming my father? Hurting her the way he hurt my mother?
I did hurt her. Did become him. But that's the what, not the why.
Trevor said it best:"You're so broken you destroy people who love you."
The truth of it sits heavy in my chest.
I need to understand this. Not just for Bailey—though God, I want her back so badly I can barely breathe—but because I'm going to be a father. That little boy or girl is going to look at me the same way Bailey did, with trust and love, and I need to know I won't destroy her too.
My phone sits on the coffee table. One call. That's all it would take.
I could apologize. Tell Bailey I'll be better. Promise to change.
But she already told me words won't fix this. That I need to figure out why I'm like this before any apology matters.
She's right.
I set down the untouched drink and open my laptop.
Type and delete several searches.How to fix a relationship. How to apologize. How to get her back.
All external fixes for an internal problem.
Finally, I type what I actually need:therapists specializing in trauma near me.
The results load. Pages of profiles. Professional headshots and credentials and bios that make my chest tight just reading them.
I scroll through options. Most are booked weeks out. Some aren’t taking new patients. I'm about to close the laptop when one profile stops me.
