Dr. Amara Chen. Specializes in childhood trauma and attachment disorders. Available for emergency sessions.
I click through to her bio. Read it twice.
"I work with clients struggling to break generational patterns of dysfunction. Many of my clients sabotage relationships out of fear, repeating cycles they witnessed in childhood. If you're ready to understand why you push people away and do the difficult work of change, I can help."
The words hit like a physical blow.
Sabotage relationships out of fear. Generational patterns.
She's describing me.
My cursor hovers over the "Schedule Appointment" button.
Ten minutes pass.
My hands shake. My stomach churns. Every instinct screams to close the laptop and pretend I never saw this.
But Trevor's voice won't let me:"She told you to figure out WHY. So figure it out."
I click the button.
The scheduling system loads. Tomorrow morning, 10 AM. Emergency session—triple the normal rate.
I don't care about the cost.
I book it before I can change my mind.
The confirmation email arrives immediately:First session with Dr. Amara Chen - Tomorrow, 10:00 AM.
I stare at the screen until my vision blurs.
I just made an appointment with a therapist.
I'm going to sit in an office and talk about my childhood trauma and the fact that I'm so fundamentally broken I destroyed the only woman I've ever loved.
The nausea is overwhelming.
But underneath it, something else. Something fragile and terrifying.
Hope.
***
Dr. Chen's office is in a professional building downtown, the kind with generic art on the walls and soft lighting that's supposed to be calming.
I arrive twenty minutes early. And almost leave, twice.
This isn't me. I don't do therapy. I don't admit weakness. I solve problems through control and strategy and sheer force of will.
And look where that got me.
"Daniel?"
I look up. A woman in her fifties stands in the doorway—Asian-American, professional but warm, wearing glasses and a kind expression that makes me want to run.
"That's me."
"I'm Dr. Chen. Come on back."
