Except he wasn'tallowedto say it back. He didn’t know if there was a time limit on that. Was the next morning okay, ordid he have to wait a full twenty-four hours? A business day? A business week?
Joke's on Leon, though, because the last page of the memory book had James’ lopsided scrawl declaring those three huge, world-altering words. At least, James thought they were world-altering. It was hard to tell, though, given that the entire evening had felt like James’ world falling apart only to be put back together slightly differently. He hadn’t realized until they’d been running to the car that he’d come to think of Hailey as a sister, too. He and Leon were both only children, with tenuous relationships with at least one parent. It made sense that they’d sought out found family; it was just a little unfortunate that the sister they’d found tended to raise their blood pressure.
After their terrifying evening, James wasn’t even surprised that feelings had been running high. He’d wanted to blurt out his own admission multiple times, but he hadn’t felt strong enough to deal with the fallout if Leon didn’t say it back.
Of course, Leon didn’t need James to say it back. He was strong enough to say his piece without any reciprocity.
James was absolutely one hundred percent certain he loved Leon. He just felt guilty as heck that he hadn’t been strong enough to say it when Leon needed to hear it.
“Darlin’,” Leon’s sleepy voice called, presumably from amidst the mess of blankets and sheets Leon kept on his bed.
“Y-yeah?” James said, cursing the way his voice wavered.
No response came.
Maybe he’d fallen back asleep–
“James?” Leon’s voice called from much closer.
“I’m–uh, here,” James said, scrambling to put the memory book back in the basket.
Unfortunately, he was too slow.
“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Leon asked as he appeared above James.
He knew he probably looked like an absolute mess. Not wanting to wake Leon, he’d grabbed a pair of boxers off the top of his bag and nothing else. He could feel the tear tracks on his cheeks, and his hair was sticking in every direction, because of course it was. To top it all off, he was half crouching, half kneeling, trying to stuff the memory book back into the basket.
Leon’s eyebrows were both raised, pulling the skin around his eyes taut, accentuating the dark circles under them. He was also wearing a pair of boxers, and their rumpled state made James suspect they were the ones he’d been wearing the night before.
“James?” Leon asked again, this time with real concern in his voice.
Screw it.
James held out his hand, and Leon took it, without hesitation. That ball in James’ stomach–or was it in his heart now? It was getting hard to tell–burned so hot and so bright, he felt like he was going to explode.
“I made this for you. I mean…I made both baskets, and actually Noah helped, too, and obviously I didn’t make the snacks, even though I thought about making you something, but then I decided to make dinner, which we weren’t able to do, but maybe we can do it tonight or tomorrow or–”
Thank god, Leon kissed him and shut him up.
“Darlin’, I mean this with all the love in the world, but are you sure you want to do this right now?” Leon asked, and James nearly cried from how easy it was for Leon to say things like that less than twelve hours after admitting his love. “I’m assuming you slept for all of ten seconds and now you’re sitting on my floor crying over a…Valentine’s Basket. If this is what you want to do, I’m happy to, but there’s no rush.”
James chewed on his lip but found himself pushing the book into Leon’s hands. “I slept for at least five hours,” was all he managed to say.
Leon hesitated before kissing his temple and settling down next to James with his back on the few inches of available dresser space. James scooted over, pulling his legs up to his chest to make more room for Leon’s bulk. Leon sighed softly, but he shifted over so that his entire back was resting against the wood, and he threw an arm around James, pulling him into his side.
“Alright, so, you and Noah made this book?”
“No!” James said, because oh god, that would be very awkward. “I made the book. It’s…a memory book.”
Leon squeezed him tighter, using his free hand to open the book across his lap and begin flipping through it. At first, he seemed to be just turning pages, but slowly he leaned forward and began examining each page. James had originally intended to do a whole presentation on the book and the baskets, wrapping up by telling Leon he loved him. The message in the back of the book was meant to reiterate the sentiment, not be the way he delivered it, but James was struggling to find his voice. As Leon neared the end of the book, he figured this might actually be the best way to do it.
“This is…a lot,” Leon said, the same phrase he’d used when James had admitted Leon was one of his top four people.
“It started out accidentally, with me just forgetting to throw away receipts and tickets, but…then I decided I wanted to save them.”
Leon kept turning pages, and James swallowed around the ball–because yep, of course that’s where it was, in his throat–and tried to say a little more. “I was collecting all this in a box, just for me to keep, but then I decided tokeep youand thoughtmaybe I didn’t need the box anymore. This book is sort of the beginning, but we can add to it if…if we want.”
Ugh. James hadn’t meant to use such weird phrasing. “Keep you,” as if Leon were some sort of prize or possession. He was so much more than that, but James still wasn’t able to find the right words.
