Leon squeezed his eyes shut until his vision turned starry and red. All he wanted was to come in his boyfriend’s arms and then maybe get some sleep. Instead, every frantic thought and jagged feeling tore through him, ripping through the balloon until everything it had been holding came bursting out.
“I love you,” he said, and James’ hips spasmed, slamming into him and holding in just the right angle. “James!”
“Leon,” James gasped, and his hips jerked once before he came with a soft cry.
It only took two quick jerks on his cock, and Leon’s climax exploded out of him. It was like when stars went supernova. He’d learned about that on one of the many videos Aspen sent to their group chat. A star would collapse in on itself, emitting a gigantic wave of energy that was so bright, it could outshine all the other lights in the galaxy.
Leon’s chest sort of felt like that, caved in and yet glowing with a light so bright, he was surprised he didn’t blind James with it.
As he came down from his orgasm, he clung desperately to James’ biceps, even when James rolled them onto their sides so he could pull out of Leon.
His head felt like it was full of cotton, and his mouth was full of sand. Some part of him noted that James got up and went to the bathroom, returning with a warm cloth to wipe down Leon’s stomach and–with aching tenderness–Leon’s ass. Those words bubbled up to the surface again, trying to escape through his caved-in chest, but thank fuck he knew to keep them inside. He’d already blurted them out once. He had to try to be at least alittlemore purposeful the second time.
Like, for example, the moment James lay down again. Leon wrapped him up in a sweaty hug and pressed their foreheads together. It was hard to keep his sticky eyes open and focused, but he did his best to stare into shifting pools of blue as he said, “I love you.” James opened his mouth, but Leon shook his head. “You don’t have to say anything. I’m not expecting anything back and…actually, I think I’d almost prefer it if you didn’t say anything back.”
James squinted, and Leon tipped his head up to kiss the soft furrows in his brow. “Why not?” James asked.
“Because it’s been a hell of a day, and I don’t want you to say something you don’t mean or feel pressured. I’ve been thinking about this all week, and I know it’s not a spur-of-the-moment thing or an endorphins-after-sex thing or whatever. I love you, and that’s that.”
Speaking of those damn endorphins, Leon’s muscles were beginning to quiver. James really looked like he wanted to say something, but when Leon jerked from an intense shiver, Jamesgrabbed Leon’s blanket and pulled it around them. The warmth helped, as did burrowing against James’ chest.
James traced idle patterns into Leon’s back and dropped gentle kisses on his hair. He was just beginning to drift off when James cleared his throat. “I’m assuming there’s no way I can assure you that I’m not responding out of pressure?”
Leon pressed his nose into James’ neck, breathing in the smell of his soap and clean sweat. “I don’t want you to say that you ‘feel the same way, too.’ I want it to be something you say when the time feels right, not in response to me.”
“Okay,” James said, his soft breath rustling Leon’s messy, only somewhat dry hair.
He probably wouldn’t even be able to get a brush through it at this rate. He’d shower in the morning, or maybe the late afternoon, which was when he hoped to sleep in ‘til. James had a bad habit of waking up early and waking Leon up with him. Maybe after their hellacious evening, James would be more willing to sleep in.
As silence settled in around them, so did the weight of the night. He could still feel jitters working their way through his body, from the call, the race to the scene, the hospital, and then the aching release afterward.
His afternoon actually hadn’t been all that much calmer, filled with Aspen’s mile-a-minute chatter. Even Noah had been a little keyed up, excited for Leon to see James’ surprise and for whatever his own plans with Aspen that night might be.
The burst-open hole in Leon’s chest began to ache, remembering how nervous James had been for their special evening, just to have everything fall apart in the end. He’d been such a trooper, handling Trina, Hailey, her mom,andLeon.
“Thank you,” Leon said, as if that was anywhere near enough.
James shifted against him, but before he could respond, Leon forced himself to open up a little more, to try just a littleharder. “Thank you for going with me, and coming back here and giving me exactly what I needed, and–”
Leon’s voice cracked, and he cleared his throat so hard he ended up coughing over James’ shoulder. James pulled back, concern etched into the corners of his eyes, and Leon smacked their lips together for a quick kiss. “Fuck, darlin’...I love you so much.”
Leon wasn’t entirely sure if James’ eyes were swimming with tears or if it was Leon’s turn to cry again. The moral of the story was that one, if not both, of their eyes were wet.
“I hear you, baby,” James said, and there was something in his voice Leon couldn’t decipher.
“I’m so sorry your whole date was ruined. I know you spent a lot of time and effort on it.”
The corner of James’ lip twitched up. “It’s okay. It’s just a day on the calendar. It doesn’t really matter. What matters is Hailey’s safe, and Trina’s safe, and we’re safe, and–”
This time, James’ voice broke, and tears leaked out of the corners of his eyes. One of them ran sideways over his nose and dropped onto the pillow. He didn’t bother clearing his throat. He gave a wet laugh, and his smile grew as more tears dropped onto his pillow.
“And you love me.“
“I love you,” Leon said, surprised at how strong his voice came out when his insides were quivering.
“You love me,” James repeated, his voice breaking like sugar glass as he laughed again. “And I’m not allowed to say it back.”
Leon nodded and found himself laughing a little, too. “You are abso-fucking-lutely not allowed to say it back. Not tonight.”
