Or so I thought, because then he messes it up. “I always thought about calling you again,” He thought about it. Why didn’t he? “But I wasn’t sure if you wanted to hear from me after the way we ended things.” Ah, I see. “Well, I felt horrible, thanks for asking sixteen years later.” We laugh, which at this point isn’t uncommon in our conversations. I don’t know if we laugh because this is strange, awkward even, or if maybe it’s just the pain trying to play cool. Then his voice drops. “When I left, I thought I was doing you a favor.”
“How did you think dumping your girlfriend, whoyou planned your entire life with, over the phone, was a favor?” I’m honestly baffled.
“Not that”, he looks nervous, and I’m enjoying this now. I got over the fact that he dumped me over the phone. I moved on from that. But I didn’t move on from him, per se. “I wasn’t in the right state of mind, Liv. I didn’t have my life figured out like I told everyone.”
“Ethan, you were 19 years old. Of course, you didn’t have your life figured out. That was the point of leaving this place.” Now, I can see it. He felt lost and didn’t want to drag me with him. “I’m not trying to complicate things or anything, and I know we said we’ll be friends moving forward, but I just… I need you to know that Tacoon wasn’t home, California wasn’t home. It was you. It always has been you.”
“Ethan—” I grip my mug a little tighter. He needs to stop. We can’t go back to this rabbit hole. Not again. We already did this when he moved out of Tacoon for college, we did it again when I started planning to move away after high school, and then again when he dumped me. “I just wanted to tell you, that’s all.”
I nod, and then I don’t know what happened; I just spilled the worst, most truthful thought. “I moved to the city to forget you.” Fuck Olivia, why can’t you just shut up? He tilts his head, but his eyes don’t drop mine. “Did it work?”
“What do you think?” He laughs, I laugh, we treat it as a joke, and honestly, it was for the best. After that, the conversation just kept coming like time hadn’t passed. We start talking about our kids, work, and our cities. Wetalk about everything except about him and her. And that’s okay by me.
I don’t need to talk about his perfect wife, and there’s nothing about David that he needs to know. The thing that most shocked me was that we talked about everything, just like when we were best friends again. That sucks, because he isn’t that anymore.
We said our goodbyes and carried on with our days.
This was nice, we needed this. To talk without any complications, to act like we were friends again. ‘Act’, the keyword here. We’ll never be friends again. As much as we try to convince ourselves of it, we can’t. There’s so much history between us, so much love, so much loss. But, we sure can pretend.
CHAPTER TWELVE
ETHAN
My phone buzzesin my pocket. I answer before the second ring. “Ethan, we’ve got a problem. The contractor just backed out of the city project. If we don’t lock someone else in now, the whole thing goes to hell.”
I blow out a breath and drag a hand through my hair. This can’t be fucking happening. “You serious?” This is the first project we have in the city; there’s no way this will go to hell. “Dead serious. We need you here. Now.” Fuck my life. “Got it. I’ll settle some things here and head out.” I hang up, already moving around the guest house. I spot Leo at the doorstep, but I don’t have time for this. “Hey man, I was going to ask you if you wanted to hit the downtown later today with Dad and Maggie.”
“I would love that, but work called. There’s a problem in the city with a new project, and I need to get there asap. “Oof, that bad?” I exhale harder than I intended to. “Yep, that bad,” and as soon as I say so, I can see Leo’s brain working overtime to compute what he isabout to say. This dude is going to be the death of me. Funny of me joking about death during this time, but mom wouldn’t want us to be all sad forever.
“I’ll go with you.” I love that he means well, but he is going to be bored as hell there. “It’s a six-hour drive, so we’ll need to stay overnight. Maybe even two nights total, depending on how bad things are.” He nods. “Sounds like a road trip. But I want my own bedroom,” I roll my eyes and start packing. I’m halfway through zipping my duffel when my phone lights up again. I’ll be dammed if this is another work emergency. What else could go wrong right now?
Olivia: Hey, can we talk? Call me.
I don’t even think twice, I’m already calling her. I need to take it easy. But then again, she picks up immediately. “Ethan, you didn’t have to call me so quickly. I could’ve waited.” I know, I shouldn’t have. “I had the phone in my hand, so why not?” I can hear her laughing on the other side. “What happened?”
“So, remember the box and the letter, umm, Larna left me?” How could I forget? “Yeah, of course, what happened?” I don’t know if I can take another of my mother’s surprises. “Well, the lawyer called, and he gave me the key so… Where are you? Are you busy? I feel like we should talk about this in person.”
“I’m actually packing, I leave for the city in about half an hour.” There’s silence in the other line. “Can I come with?” She wants to go with me. To the city? Why? “I need to be there the whole day tomorrow, so I will be spending the night there. We can talk tomorrow when I’m back. If that works for you.” She stays quiet for a minute and then… “That’s okay, I’ll go with you, I’ll stay home and come back with you tomorrow whenever you finish your things. I need to go by the office anyway, and I could go and see the boys and David.”
Yeah, sure, I’ll take her with me to the city so she can see her husband. “In that case, I’ll be out the door in 20 minutes.” Why the hell did I say that? “Sounds good, I’ll pack really quickly and be ready when you come.”
Leo’s smile fades. I guess he was really looking forward to a road trip. But nope, that’s not it. As soon as I hang up, all I hear is… “You do remember you’re married, right?” How can I forget? “Erm, yes, I do remember, thank you.” What is his problem? “I’m just saying,” He shrugs his shoulders and gives me a ‘you are about to fuck this up’ kind of look.
“And what exactly are you saying?” I shouldn’t get into a fight with him right now, but I can’t take this. No one knows about what happened between us, and I intend to keep it that way. Not even my brother can know.
“I’m saying be careful. I know you guys are friends, if that’s what you call your ex. But you are married, she’s married, you guys just saw each other for the first time in a while, and you’re grieving, emotions can be all over the place, and I… just be careful, man.” Damn it! I can’t even be mad at him. He is right about everything. But this isn’t the grief talking. What I’m feeling about her is much more than what’s happening right now. I know the timing isn’t ideal, and maybe from the outside it can look that way, but God help me, it is not.
I’moutside her house waiting for her. Just like I used to do back then. The memories hit hard and fast. I can still picture the last time I was here. It was over Christmas break in my first year of college. I was about to go back to California, and neither of us knew that was our last Christmas, our last night together. We have spent most of the night at my parents' guest house. That was the last time I touched her, the last time I made hermine.
She opens the door, and while I thank her for the interruption, down memory lane, I suddenly forgot how to breathe. Black leggings, sports bra, oversized coat. Hair in a messy bun. I don’t know what the hell is happening right now. I just know I’m fucked.
“You’re staring,” she says, sliding into the passenger seat. “Sorry. Couldn’t help it.” She laughs it up. “You ready?” No, the hell I’m not. “Are you?” Honestly, is she ready to spend the rest of the day with me in a car? She throws her arms up. “Woohoo. Road trip with my friend. Hell yeah, I’m ready.” She’s not. I laugh as I start the engine, and off we go.
The first hours are easy.Windows are cracked, the music is at a perfect volume where we can talk, be silent, or sing along. She asks about the contractor, the whole project blowing up, she listens like she used to—like she actually cares. Maybe she still does.
It slowly started raining until it poured. By the way traffic is looking right now, I know the drive will take easily one more hour than it’s supposed to. “Looks like we’re stuck for a bit,” she says. “Yep,” I tap the steering wheel. “Twenty questions?” I know it’s a stupid idea, but it’s the only one I have right now. She hums. “Sure.” It starts light. Coffee orders. Last concert. First grown-up job after we left town.
Then I go a bit deeper, “What did you like most about me?” I think I know the answer to this, but I had to ask. She smirks but doesn’t hesitate to answer. “Your eyes. And the way you used to look at me like I was everything.” I swallow hard. Shewaseverything to me for more time than I care to admit.
