He reaches out, rubbing my cock through my sweats. “I love touching you too. I think I might be clingy when it comes to you.”
I laugh at that. “Worse problems to have.”
“I was thinking this morning… you know, we live in two different states, but Chicago isn’t far. It’s two, maybe three hours away. We could see each other more often after this trip. If we wanted to.”
“I assumed we would. Not for… whatever this is, but for friendship. I don’t want to lose touch again.”
“Me neither. Maybe we even set up a standing date? You visit me, I visit you, once a month or something.”
“That could work.”
“I’d love it. These few days have been awesome, and I wish it could be so much more, but like I said last night, I wouldn’t make a good partner for you.”
I’m slightly taken aback by the statement. Does he think I think this is something more than it is? Or that I’m hung up on something?
“I wasn’t expecting that.”
His expression falls slightly before he very obviously forces a smile to his face. “Of course not. Why would you?”
“Van… it’s not personal.”
“No? It’s not because I’m supposedly straight? Or you just don’t see me as an option? I’m fun but that’s it?”
I pull my head back. “It’s nothing like that.”
“Then what, Nantes? Am I not good enough for you?”
“Whoa. You’re the one who just said you wouldn’t be a good partner. I guess that was your way of letting me down easy?” I put my mug down. “We literally discussed this last night, and honestly, yeah, it is because of your sexuality. Your friendship is important to me, and you’ve just discovered something aboutyourself. That doesn’t mean you’re automatically ready to date a man or come out publicly. Frankly, just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I automatically assume every hookup is happily ever after. I’d get my heart hurt a lot if I did.”
“So now I’m a hookup.” He nods, a muscle in his jaw twitching. “Good to know.”
“Dude, you are seriously tripping. You’re mad because I’m agreeing with you?”
“I’m not mad. I just thought this was a little more than casual. Last night you said you were capable of falling in love and wanting a relationship, now I’m a hookup.”
“What do you want, Vanian? You want it to be serious but you don’t want to date? You can’t have it both ways.”
He looks at me with a stern expression, and it’s like meeting a whole new side of him. His eyes harden and flash with anger, his jaw clenches, and he briefly balls his hands into fists. I’ve seen him angry before, but it was always over stupid stuff and never directed at me. After a stare-down for a few seconds, he exhales slowly, twisting his neck side to side.
“You’re right,” he concedes. “I’m being a dick.”
“Can you help me understand where this is coming from?”
“No. It’s just a pile of unsorted feelings bouncing around my head. I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine.” I grab his hand. “Vanian, you can tell me anything. I know you’re trying to protect me from something, but I don’t need protection. I’m an adult, and I can handle myself.”
“That’s easy to say from a position of not knowing.” He brushes his thumb across my cheek. “You trust me, right?”
“Of course.”
“Then believe me when I tell you it’s better to leave it alone.”
“Okay, Van, but I’ll just say this: I know I’m not a therapist, but I am a doctor, and I’ve seen the negative effects stress cancause. If you keep it all bottled up, it can backfire on you. You’ve gotta know that.”
“I know.” His jaw ticks on one side again. “It’s complicated.”
“If you change your mind, I’m here for you.”
