Van looks down at his hand abruptly, and I can tell I’ve hit a nerve.
“Sorry. Am I prying?”
“No.” He shakes his head, laughing softly. “Of course not. Thinking about it all is just sort of triggering sometimes.”
I nod. “Got it. Sorry.”
“Don’t be. How about you? You’re happy you joined the family business. What about the rest?”
“Mostly good. I think I’ve been too busy to think about it, you know? Seeing Deo in love has poked at me a little. I’m older than him and not even close to settling down.”
“But you want to?”
“Sure. Doesn’t everyone?”
Van shrugs. “I don’t know. Maybe some people’s lives are better spent alone.”
“I mean, if you’re an asshole maybe, but neither of us are. Pretty sure.”
Van smiles, avoiding my eyes again. He’s keeping a secret, that much I’m sure of, but it’s hardly my place to push him. It’s been years since we’ve spoken. I have no right to ask.
“No major relationships, then?”
Van shakes his head. “Nah. There was a woman a few years ago. Shit, it’s actually been, like, six years now. I met her at a work conference and we hit it off. She was cool.”
“But?”
“We had a lot of clashes that couldn’t really be resolved. She was super religious and so was her family, and I felt pressure to get on board, but that’s not me.”
“Never has been you. I remember all the times my grandparents lured you to Mass with the promise of a great meal after. You hated it.”
Van smiles. “I didn’t hate anything I did with you and your family, but I thought it was boring and none of it made sense to me.”
“Same. So, religion. What else?”
“Culturally, we were really different. Her family is from India, and they just had a lot of expectations of her. Her dad hated me. He thought I wasn’t good enough even though I had a profession he approved of. We tried, we really did, but oneday I sat down and asked her what she wanted for her future, and I knew I couldn’t give it to her. We ended things amicably, and we’re still friendly when we bump into each other. She’s the closest I ever got to real commitment.”
“Were you in love with her?”
“I don’t think so. I think if I had been I would’ve tried harder. I would’ve compromised more.” He sips his wine. “In my twenties, the idea of getting married and moving to the burbs to knock out some kids sounded like a death sentence.”
I chuckle. “It still does.”
“I guess so.” He drags a hand through his hair. “What about you, Doctor?”
I shake my head. “Not even close. I was too focused on my career to even think about a serious relationship, and I never met anyone who changed my mind.”
“Still picky?”
We both laugh at that. “Dude, I wasn’t picky in high school. I was closeted. I would’ve messed around with any guy who looked my way back then just for the experience of it.”
Van searches my eyes. “But not me. I never once caught you staring or anything. I’m not your type?”
I laugh off his question, focusing on my wine instead. “Don’t be stupid.”
“I’m not being stupid. I’m asking a legit question. I’ve been hit on a few times by guys in bars in Chicago. I’m good looking, right?”
“You’re fine.” I sip my wine again as Van shoves my arm.
