Her words are like kicks to my face and I’m torn between not letting her know she’s getting to me and fighting back. I shout into the phone. “What do you want from me, Lauren?”
“Foronce in your life, Abby,” she yells back. “I want the truth!”
Jesus, she sounds just like Tom Cruise inA Few Good Men. I kind of want to make fun of her, but somehow it seems like the wrong move.
Before I can say anything, she says, “And don’t you dare do your Jack Nicholson impression and tell me I can’t handle the truth, because I know you, Abby, and I know that’sexactlywhat you were about to do.”
Fuck me. I was.
“Because that’s what you do. You deflect, you joke, and you lie whenever life gets too serious for you.”
My stomach hardens and I feel dizzy and nauseous at the same time. “Wow, I don’t even know what to say.”
“I’m sorry. I know I’m being mean here, but I’m just so done pretending everything is what it isn’t,” she says with a loud sigh. “Just tell me one thing because I need to know there’s a shred of hope here.”
“What?”
“Was I right? Were you about to go Jack Nicholson on me?”
“Yeah, I was,” I say in a tiny voice.
When she speaks again, her voice wavers. “Tell me something else because I really don’t want to give up on you.”
“Anything.”
“Why can’t you be honest with me at least? I’m yourbest friend. I just want you to have a great life, Abby, and I’ve never hurt you. Not once.”
“Well, actually you’ve been pretty nasty this evening…”
“Christ almighty,” she sighs.
“And also, when you went to Vegas with Erica,” I add.
Letting out a long groan, Lauren says, “Abby…”
“Sorry. Bad habit.”
“It’s exhausting to be your friend sometimes. Friends are supposed to be honest with each other.”
"You're also my agent, Lauren. And it's not necessarily the wisest thing to admit to your agent when you haven’t been working."
"See what you did there? You said, ‘it's not the wisest thing’ when what you really mean to say is that you're scared."
"I'm not—"
"Stop fucking lying to me, Abby. Seriously." Lauren's voice wavers and I know I've pushed her to the edge of our friendship. "If your intention was to apologize for lying, then apologize for lying and stop doing it. Otherwise, let's just carry on like we always have, with you lying and me acting like I don’t know."
I press my tongue against my top molars as hard as I can, my nose prickling. Instead of trying to change her mind, I just sit and wipe the stream of tears off my cheeks, feeling shocked, confused, and hurt.
"I'm sorry,” Lauren says, her tone gentle now. "I didn't mean to upset you. It's just hard to keep going like we have been.”
"Well, you did upset me,” I answer, my voice rising two octaves. “How do you think it feels to have your best friend tell you you’re some sort of pathological liar? I mean, why are you even my friend then?"
"Because I love you anyway, Abby, which is what friends do. We see each other's flaws, but we love each other anyway.”
I let out a couple of sobs, then finally manage to say, “You’re so easy to love, Lauren. You’re basically perfect. You’re smart and sophisticated and tall…and hard-working and super successful…”
“Don’t change the subject.”
