"Okay. I think you'll be disappointed in me when you find out I've been lying to you." My throat feels thick. I swallow hard, which doesn’t help, then continue, "I've been pretending I was writing, but until this past Friday night, I hadn't written a word.”
There's a long pause, and I shut my eyes, knowing what's about to come. She’ll ask why I would lie like that, then move on to my lack of faith in her. I’ll explain it wasn't abouther, but my own desire not to disappoint her. She’s going to tell me she is disappointed, and where it’ll go from there is anybody’s guess.
But instead, all she says is, "I know."
"What?" Sheknew? My brain is so far down that other road, it has to slam on the brakes and reverse about thirty seconds.
"Of course I knew you were lying," she says, sounding far too calm.
"Really? Why didn't you call me on it?" I ask, standing and wandering to the living room.
"Because you always lie, Abby."
Her words hang between us until I feel my entire body go numb. Only my heart is moving, and it’s doing that so fast it feels like it could thump right out onto the floor.
"That's not true," I say doing my best to keep my voice steady.
"I'm afraid it is. You lie all the time,” she answers, with no emotion whatsoever. “You’ve always been the type of person who uses humor to protect yourself, which I used to find endearing, but since Isaac died, I don’t think you even know when you’re telling the truth or when you’re lying. I know this probably hurts to hear, but it needs to be said, and I think you’re finally strong enough to hear it.”
“What are you talking about? I am avery honestperson. Sometimes, too honest.” I add a frustrated chuckle for good measure. “In fact, I’m so honest, I make people very uncomfortable sometimes.”
“Is that what you think?” she says, riding the line of sarcasm. “Allow me to help you understand how other people view your ‘honesty.’”
“Are you doing air quotes on the word honesty, right now?”
“Yes, I am. Please don’t interrupt me, because I have something you need to hear. and until now, I didn’t think you could handle it.” She pauses and I do as I’m told, knowing I’m the one who fucked up in the first place. “You spent over a year locked up in your apartment pretending to be totally fine, when in truth, you were so depressed, you couldn’t even function. Who did you think you were fooling? Me? Your mom? The delivery guy from A Taste of Curry?”
“Sanjay repeatedly told me I was his most fun customer!”
“But you know what he probably told his wife when he got home each night? ‘I delivered dinner to that sad widow again tonight.’ And his wife probably said, ‘She needs help, not more naan bread.’”
“Why are you being so cruel right now?” Tears cloud my vision, and I lower myself onto the couch.
“Because I’ve had enough. I’m just tired of it,” she says. “You pretend you’re so fucking tough that nothing could ever hurt you, when the truth iseverythingdoes—bad reviews, dirty looks from a stranger, never getting your parents’ approval, that time Drew and I went with Erica and Jim to Vegas and you weren’t invited. That onereallyupset you. You said you didn’t care but, oh my God, it rocked your world to miss out on that trip.”
The memory of it stings and I lash out. “Well, can you blame me? You guys just cut us out like we were a couple of tumors on your ass.”
“You just made my point for me.”
“You’re welcome.”
Lauren scoffs. “There you go again. That’s why I never said anything. It’s because you can’t help it.”
“I can help it. I can. I see what you’re saying, and I’ll work on it.”
“Forgive me if I think you’re just saying that to get me to stop, when really you have no intention of changing.”
“That’s not true, and to prove it, go on. Give me more examples. I can take it.”
“Okay.” She says it like we’re playing a high stakes game of Truth or Dare and she knows she’s going to win. “You used to pretend you didn't mind when Isaac would flirt with his students—"
"—heneverflirted—"
"—spoke too highly of the pretty ones, then. Whatever you want to call it—that thing he did that drove you insane with jealousy but instead of admitting to such a lowly human emotion, you acted like it was fine. And you know where that got you? With a husband who wouldn’t shut up about his young, pretty students."
"What the hell, Lauren?" I ask, my voice shaking with indignant anger. “Why are you attacking me like this? And Isaac?”
“I thought you just said you could take it. See? More lies.”
