I know she’s being supportive, and she’s working on years of me complaining about my mom, but after everything that’s happened, it doesn’t sit right with me. “Yeah, I have to give her one thing, Lauren. She knows me.”
“What’d she say?”
“What if he beats it, and I’m walking away from a long and happy life with him?”
“Well, that’s a real mind fuck.” Lauren’s tone is instantly angry, but she pauses, sounding overly calm. “Sorry, it’s just that she didn’t see how things were for you after Isaac died.”
“No, I get it. You were there to see me fall apart. And this time, I wouldn’t have the luxury of falling apart. I’d have a child to see through it.” A semi-truck passes me, blowing snow across the windshield and blinding me for a second. My entire body tenses up in response. “I’m probably making the right decision. It’s the safe choice.”
“Does it feel like the right decision?”
“Logically, yes. It’s the smart call.”
“Forget logic. Does itfeellike the right decision? Because you don’t sound sure.”
“Wait? Whose side are you on, because I thought you were sure I shouldn’t do this.”
“I’m on your side, Abby, and that means wanting you to be happy and healthy,” she says. “So in my mind, the real question is, what’s going to be best for you in the long run?”
“I guess the best thing for anyone in the long run is to live so they aren’t filled with regret at the end of it all.”
There’s a long pause on the line. I speak up before Lauren can. “Here’s the thing, Lauren. I could walk away and maybe years from now, I could convince myself none of this even happened. But I won’t just be leaving behind two people who love me and need me. I’d be walking away from who I am when I’m with them.”
“And who is that?”
“I’m alive. Like really alive, you know? I dance and sing and I’m silly and funny. I’m someone I forgot I could be, and I don’t just love them. I love her. She’s kind of awesome, really.”
“You mean the person who disappeared when you lost Isaac?”
“No,” I say. “The person I lost when I met him.”
Lauren’s voice cracks. “Then you know what you have to do, I guess.”
Tears run down my cheeks as theWelcome to South Havensign appears to my right, wet snow sticking to it.
“I guess I do.”
* * *
When I finally turn onto Shore Lane, there is no ‘for sale’ sign swinging in the wind and I chuckle at the fact that Eunice hasn’t done it yet. She knew. Cars are lined up in front of the B&B, and I can see it’s lit up with Christmas lights. I signal and turn into my driveway, seeing that Colton has cleared the snow and left the front porch lights on for me. I texted him yesterday to tell him I’d be back, and he wrote back saying he was going to miss Walt and having his independence.
As soon as I shut off the engine, I let my shoulders and neck relax, wanting a hot bath, but knowing I have something much more important to do than soothing my sore muscles. My heart thumps when I think about it. I don’t have the first clue what to say or how, and part of me is naïve enough to hope we won’t need words, but that a meaningful look between us will be enough.
I don’t bother with my luggage, but instead, hurry up the front steps and unlock the door. Walt is waiting on the floor in the hall. He meows loudly, complaining about me leaving.
Crouching, I reach out for him and lift him into my arms. “I’m sorry, Mr. Whitman. I shouldn’t have left you for so long.”
He immediately rubs his head against my neck, and I’m pretty sure he forgives me. I carry him through the house, turning on lights, and loving what I see. This is my home. Here in this little village. My cottage by the sea, which has been lovingly restored by the man I love. After a few minutes of snuggling Walt, I set him down on his favorite chair and I open the cupboard. I take a can of Fancy Feast out for him and give him some supper. “You eat. I have one more thing to do, okay?”
* * *
When I open the front door to the B&B, I’m greeted by the heat from the lobby fireplace. It crackles and spits and welcomes me as I stomp the snow off my boots. The smell of the wood burning blends with the strong pine scent of the garland swooping across the front of the desk. The sound of people talking draws me to the pub, and I take a deep breath, fear and hope and love all coursing through me. I hear Liam’s laugh and my entire body goes numb as our last conversation plays out in my mind.
Swallowing hard, I force my feet to keep moving even though my legs are heavy with fear. A large fresh-cut tree sits in the corner of the pub with white lights twinkling against the frost-covered window.
I stop at the entrance to the pub and search for him among the crowd, my heart leaping at the sight of his face before my brain reminds me of how I left things. He’s standing next to Peter at the bar, grinning over the beer in his hand.Oh God, please let him love me back. Or at the very least, not hate me.
Slowly, the conversation dies out as one by one, each of the sweater-clad people notices me. Liam stops and his smile fades as he stares at me. I stare back, hoping he already knows. But I can tell by the look in his eyes it’s not going to be that easy. An awkward silence fills the space, but I force myself to speak, hoping to hell that whatever comes out of my mouth will be the start of a new life.
