“So absolute torture culminating in a dress choice that you shall have nightmares about for the rest of your life?”
I chuckle a little, surprised he could so succinctly sum up my afternoon. “The nightmares will fade after the wedding—I hope. And perhaps after several years in therapy.”
“Oh, if that’s all, then there really was no need for you to have been filled with such dread earlier,” he says tongue-in-cheek.
Turning onto the highway that runs along the south shore, I start to relax a little. “All the other bridesmaids went on and on about how they can totally wear the dress again, but not me. I just dropped three-hundred dollars on a dress so low-cut I’ll have to ladyscape to wear it.”
Leo bursts out laughing, and I join in, glad to have someone to laugh with about all this silliness. When he’s done, he leans toward me and says, “Is there any way I could score an invite to the big event?”
“Oh, yeah, because that’s what I need, another person trying to unsee what I’ve got going on.”
His smile fades. “Why are you so hard on yourself?”
“Because I have a mirror, and excellent vision. I also know what men like, and it sure isn’t this.”
He pauses for a second, then says, “Brianna, I’m going to ask you a strange question, but bear with me, because there is a point to it, I promise. Have you ever looked up porn online?”
My head snaps back, but before I can protest, Leo says, “You don’t have to answer that. If you had, you would see all kinds of videos from big-breasted to MILFs to mature ladies to huge booties.”
“Okay…maybe we should change the subject.”
“My point is, there’s not one way for a woman to be desirable, regardless of what the diet industry and cosmetic companies want you think. For every different female body, age, face, and race, there’s a man or a woman who will be into what she’s got going on.”
“Ah, so there’s a pot for every lid. Thanks, Leo,” I say, feigning delighted surprise.
“Believe me, there are a lot of lids for your pot.”
We pull onto the long, palm-lined road leading to the resort, and I slow down, not quite ready to end this conversation. “Well, thank you, Leo. It’s very kind of you to try to make me feel better. The truth is, I’m happy being a pot with no lid.”
“In that case, there are going to be a lot of horribly disappointed lids out there.”
CHAPTER 15
Shy Bladder Meets Snarky Parole Officer
Leo
“Leo, you old duffer, where the hell have you been?” It’s my friend, Alexander Billingsworth the fourth, on the phone. He’s fifteenth in line for the throne of Avonia, which is to say, he’s never getting his skinny arse on that thing. He and I went to Eton together and have run in the same circles ever since. Tremendously fun bloke, but don’t leave him alone with your girlfriend.
“I’m in the Benaventes for a while.” I look around at the walls of my shed. “Thought it was time for a change of scenery.”
“Crikey! You’re all the way down there? I heard Alistair kicked you out of the kingdom for shagging that Swede, but I figured you’d just gone to England.”
“Yes, well, I decided to get some sun while I let the old man cool off.”
“Sounds delightful. An island of women who don’t know better than to get involved with the likes of you.” Alexander laughs, and I hold the phone away from my ear to avoid the painfully loud, donkey-like sound. “Listen, any chance you could make your way to Cannes? Cuddy’s rented a twelve-bedroom villa just off Gazagnaire Beach. It’s going to be four spectacular weeks of partying and topless women sunbathing.”
Oh, that does sound spectacular.Somuch better than what I’m doing at the moment—scraping burnt egg from my one and only pan. “As much as I’d love to, I better take a pass this time.”
“Who is she? And is it serious?” Alexander asks.
“No one. I’m working on a bit of a venture here that has some definite potential.” As in, I could potentially lose everything if I don’t go through with it.
“Really? You? A business venture?” he asks as though it’s so shocking for him to thinkImight try to do something with my life. He’s one to talk. It’s not exactly like he just missed being on the Forbes 30 under 30 list by a narrow margin.
“Yup. Nothing big yet, but it could be if I stick it out.” If you consider having your parents finance your lifebig.
“Don’t tell me you’re getting all responsible on me,” Alexander says with a snort.
