Hazel
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OP-ED THE WEEKLY OBSERVER
By: Princess Tessa, Duchess of Wellingbourne
Two weeks ago, I launched the Good Enough Mum campaign, hoping to help the women of Avonia feel better about ourselves ‘just the way we are.’ To that end, I photographed twenty pregnant women, (most of whom I met at my obstetrician’s office), in hopes of celebrating the beauty in the ‘untouched-up’ and to depict the diversity of real mums and mums-to-be (not just the stick thin, heavily-made-up models we’re used to seeing in the media).
Much to my delight, the team’s efforts have been a great success, and I have enjoyed reading the positive comments from women—and men—around the kingdom who have expressed their appreciation for the goals of the Good Enough Mum Campaign (G.E.M.C.).
As someone in the public eye, I’ve become somewhat used to living under a great deal of scrutiny, which in some ways has prepared me for motherhood. In talking with other parents, it seems as though, in our culture, there is a tendency to criticize and judge other parents rather harshly for making different choices than we ourselves may make. And I know coming from me (the former Royal Watchdog), this will sound very strange indeed—hypocritical even. But the past two years have taught me how difficult it is to have everything you say and do be critiqued, criticized, and judged by others.
It seems to me that motherhood is a breeding ground for criticism and judgment. My hope in creating the G.E.M.C. was to gently bring us around to a place of acceptance and support.
But somewhere we’ve gone off the rails, and the public seems to have turned on one of our own—Lady Dr. Brooke Beddingfield Cunningham. It may come as a shock to some that I’m calling her one of ‘our own,’ given the fact that Brooke’s Avonian Healthy Pregnancy Foundation may seem to be at odds with the G.E.M.C., but it really is not. The G.E.M.C. is about not judging the choices of others, which includes not judging Brooke for being ‘too healthy’ or ‘too strict.’
The country watched last night as she struggled through what appeared to be a difficult labour. I’m guessing her experience was no different than most first-time deliveries, with one notable exception—Brooke was trying to use her own pregnancy and delivery to help others. She was brave to step up and attempt to show the importance of a healthy lifestyle and positive mindset (neither of which I possess as of late). Things didn’t work out quite the way she hoped, but today she and Blake have welcomed their son, the adorable Bogart, to the world.
I would like to take this opportunity to congratulate the happy couple, as well as ask for people around the kingdom to show their support for, rather than their criticism of, Brooke at this time.
Yes, many have found her to be a ‘little too perfect’ (including me at times—after all, it’s hard to keep up with a beautiful, intelligent, globe-trotting doctor who has dedicated her life to the less-fortunate), but that’s about me, isn’t it? Not her. I’d like to call on women everywhere to rise above our own insecurities to offer our support and gratitude for what Brooke has been trying to do.
At its heart, the G.E.M.C. is about acceptance of the myriad of ways in which pregnancy—and motherhood itself—can be handled. And no, I’m not talking about championing anything that will do harm to a woman or child, of course, but I ask that we all take a step back, relax a little, and agree that it’s okay to be different and make different choices.
Breast or bottle, drug-free delivery in an inflatable pool at home or epidural all the way, we women get the job done. We give birth to the babies, the babies get fed, they’re loved and nurtured, they grow up, and become functioning, contributing members of society. There are as many ways to handle pregnancy, delivery, and motherhood as there are many different mums in the world. And that’s a good thing. That’s what makes this world a beautiful, interesting, and diverse place. It’s what makes it work, quite frankly.
I’d like to make a confession. I’m absolutely terrified of labour, delivery, and motherhood in general. So many things can go wrong, and it seems to me that as far as parenting goes, you don’t get to control it, as much as you have to learn to ride the waves of whatever comes your way (case in point, in a few weeks, with any luck, I’ll be welcoming one more baby than I thought I would be).
So, since this whole parenting thing is hard enough as it is, how about we all agree to cut each other some slack and do a better job of encouraging each other?
My hope is that throughout the kingdom, we take pause to think about how we can all do our part to be a little bit kinder and a little bit (or a lot) more accepting of each other’s choices. Let’s do our best to validate each other’s experiences, even when they are wildly different from our own.
If we can manage this, what kind of world will we be creating for our children to grow up in? One with less insecurity? One with less hatred and fewer bullies? One with more harmony and a sense of purpose? What if women worked together instead of tearing each other apart?
I’d say we’d be well on our way to creating a more peaceful, friendly world.
Can we do it?
Yes, we bloody well can.
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ARTHUR AND TESSA’SBaby Name Brainstorming Session Via Text Message #2
Arthur: Hey wifey, HUGE congratulations on your op-ed. You’ve used your brilliance to do what Dylan and her entire team of lackeys could not.
Tessa: Thanks! I’m honestly over the moon with happiness about it. Can’t stop smiling (except that I miss you horribly and am completely miserable without you).
Arthur: Completely miserable other than the non-stop smiling and being over the moon with happiness...
Tessa: Yes. Other than that. Speaking of Moon Units. Do you have time for another round of baby naming?
Arthur: Four minutes. Go!
Tessa: You go. I came up with the last two.
Arthur: Applesauce (for a girl obviously).
