"Awful Brooke just got her comeuppance, didn't she?" Arabella turns to me and holds up her arm. I high-five her and grin back at them even though a very tiny voice inside my head is saying, "If she can't do this, and she's basically perfect — how the fuck are you supposed to do this?"
***
IWAKE THE NEXT MORNINGwith a gnawing feeling, and it's not just hunger this time—it's fear. Somehow, up to now I've allowed myself to pretty much ignore how I’m actually going to get these babies out of me, but seeing it live on television scared the shit out of me. I was hoping that when I woke up, I’d feel less terrified, but as I stare down at my enormous belly, I’m really freaking worried about the whole labour and delivery thing.
By the time I went to bed last night, there was still no word on whether Brooke and Blake had their baby yet. I reach over to Arthur’s pillow and pick up my phone to check the news. The ABNC News Brooke and Blake Cunningham Baby Update RSS feed was updated ten minutes ago and shows there is still no baby yet.
"Jesus."
Scrolling down, I see a hundred and forty-two comments, most of which are every bit as catty as Arabella, Nikki and I were yesterday evening.
“It's karma, baby. This is what you get for making every other woman feel crappy about themselves.”
“The best part of last night was when Brooke slapped the iPhone out of Blake's hand.”
“Respectfully disagree. It was when she grabbed the cloth and wiped her own forehead. What a useless man.”
“I liked all the f-bombs, myself. Lady Brooke not acting at all like a lady. Ha ha.”
“It is all too priceless. She totally got what she deserved. People like her should be shipped off to an island for arrogant jerks so no normal people have to see them anymore.”
“That’s what she gets for being a big phony. Not like Princess Tessa— a real woman who will probably handle labour and delivery like the warrior she is.”
Warrior? Oh, well, I don’t know about that...I mean. I’m just a normal woman, really. And this normal woman needs some chocolate raspberry crepes.
***
2P.M. - ABNC NEWSBrooke and Blake Cunningham Baby Update
Lady Doctor Brooke Beddingfield Cunningham and her husband, Blake, are pleased to announce the birth of their son, Bogart Winston Blake Cunningham the first. He arrived at 1:48 p.m. weighing in at 6lbs 1 ounce. Both little Bogart and mum are doing fine. The couple thank the people of Avonia for their support and good wishes and apologize for the technical issues that caused them to lose the feed on the planned live birth last night.
***
EMAIL FROM ME TO HAZELNettlebottom
RE: Good Enough Mums Campaign Op-Ed
Dear Hazel,
I’m certain you’ve been keeping up with the Brooke Beddingfield birth story. It appears that my Good Enough Mum campaign may be the cause of a great deal of backlash toward her Avonian Healthy Pregnancy Foundation. To that end, I’d like to offer the following op-ed to The Weekly Observer to try to put a stop to the cruel comments toward Brooke. In spite of our personal history and my feelings toward her, I feel badly about what’s happening and would very much like to help in some way.
All the best,
Tessa
Email from Hazel Nettlebottom to Me:
RE: RE: Good Enough Mum Campaign Op-Ed
Dearest Princess Tessa,
Your op-ed brought tears to my eyes. There truly is no limit to your graciousness, and it shines through in this piece. If I had to guess, I’d say that this moment in history will be known as the time when you’ve managed to ‘turn it all around’ and will henceforth be as beloved as your husband.
If you look on our website, you will see it’s live and there have been dozens of positive comments in the time it took me to grab a coffee and come back to my desk to write you. We’ll, of course, be printing it in our next edition as well (which, by the way, has seen a 5% increase in circulation since the photo spread, so thank you very much for that!).
Keep in touch, and good luck with your own delivery! Let me know if there is anything you need in the meantime.
Best,
