“Indeed. And the media has been particularly harsh with her, I have to say.”
“I saw that,” he says, buttering another hunk of bun. “They should be ashamed of how they’ve treated her.”
“Agreed. It’s been just awful,” I say. “I am wondering, though...”
“How long it took before I got sex again?"
"If it's not too personal." Nothing is too personal with Chaz. He’s never even heard of the concept of TMI.
"Well, I may not be the best person to ask since my wife doesn’t generally like me all that much, but yours seems nice enough."
"Yes, Tessa's a real peach. Maybe not quite so much lately, but that's totally understandable."
"Perfectly normal. I can't even imagine carrying one baby, let alone twins.”
“Me either,” I say, starting to feel a bit irritated at how long it’s taking to get an answer.
"Well, after our first was born, Janica had absolutely no interest in sex until...let me think...oh, well...I guess it was when she wanted to have a second child. So, two years and a bit.”
“Oh. I see. And after that?”
“After Jaxson was born, she showed no interest in sex until she decided she wanted to get a mummy lift."
"And forgive me for forgetting. Jaxson is..."
"Six."
"I see."
"You're regretting having asked, aren't you?"
"A little bit. Yes." I pick up my glass of scotch and tip it back, letting it pour down my throat.
"Not to worry. Our situations are totally different. First of all, I really don't believe Tessa married you for your money,” Chaz says, letting go of this little fact rather freely.
I don't know if I should be impressed or filled with pity. He's not wrong, but for him toknow itand toremain in the situationis a rather surprising choice. He's not the best-looking bloke, but he is smart and kind and funny as all hell. There are lots of women out there who would love a man like him. Unfortunately, he decided to go for supermodel hot instead of a good life partner.
He continues with his list of why I shouldn’t worry. “Not to mention that your wife, as far as I can tell, is madly in love with you. So, I imagine once the babies are born and she's had a little time to recover, things should return to normal."
"Right, well that’s what I'm hoping." I pause for a second, then ask, “By normal, do you meaneverythinggoes back to normal or... "
Now that I’ve started down this road, I’m wishing I could back up. I’m asking him to dish on his wife’s lady bits. Not appropriate, Arthur. This is exactly why Google was invented.
"Oh, yes,that.It bounces back. Don't worry. Especially if she keeps up with her Kegels."
"Although, I don't really feel like it would be appropriate for me to remind her to keep that up."
"Good God, no. You can never say a word, even if her you-know-what ends up so stretched out, you could park a bicycle in there."
I won't recount the rest of the conversation for you because things got horrifyingly graphic from there. I now know everything I didn’t want to about episiotomies and hemorrhoids. Now that I think of it, it probably was a mistake to have brought up the topic. I didn’t really learn anything that will help me at all, and now I’m terrified of what could happen.
As I lay in bed in my hotel suite pondering my nonexistent and future sex life, I tell myself it'll all turn out okay. He's right. Tessa and I are very much in love, which is really all you need. The Beatles were right about that.
