“I suppose I have. First Bromton, then me…” She smiled teasingly. “What makes you think you are strong enough to resist? Besides, you can use some light in your life.”
“What if I fail?” He swallowed, hardly believing he’d spoken his fear. “What if I was meant to be alone?”
“What a male thing to say,” she scoffed. “No one ismeant to be alone. Enjoy solitude any time you wish, but we’re all human…our essence can only be found in what we are to the people we love—who love us.”
He turned back to the window, spotting the turrets of Bromton Castle in the distance. He thought of Clarissa’s wedding—of the way the Stanley family had huddled together just after the ceremony. He remembered the terrible feeling of standing apart.
“You know,” he said pensively, “after your wedding, a little boy tried to give Julia a coin he’d collected. She closed his hand back over his coin and kissed him instead.” He frowned. “Why would I remember that?”
Because—internally, he answered his own question—he’d longed for her to look at him with such care and affection. And now she did. Every day.
“I’ve no idea. But do you know whatIremember aboutyoufrom my wedding?” Clarissa asked. “You choosing the shadows at the back of the church instead of joining your family in the vestry. A family”—she wrinkled her nose—“who loves you.”
“For no good reason.”
“Family needn’t a reason at all…though”—she smiled—“it would be nice if you supplied one every now and again.”
Just what kind of reason was he supposed to supply?
He stalked over to the table, pulled out a chair, and dropped down. All he had was imagination—and mutual desire.
He folded the napkins and then set them aside to glance about the room.
Julia had been right. The atmosphere in the dining hall had, in fact, improved. He suspected he’d be able to think of little else, now. Certainly not the awkward occasions he’d been trotted down from the nursery to be presented—only to have his father barely glance up from his food.
But if he wanted to make this a home, he needed to do more than toff his wife in inappropriate ways in every room or work without ceasing as he’d done this past week. He needed to swallow his pride. He needed to ask for help.
The Grange would always be half fortification. He would always be night to her light. But—a ray of sun settled across the table—dusk was the most beautiful time of day.
And the most beautiful part of the estate?
He focused on Clarissa. “The church.”
She snorted. “Don’t tell me you’re distressed enough to take orders!”
“Of course not.” If he tried, he’d probably combust before he made it to ordination. “Mrs. Wheeling told me Julialovedthe church. She pored over the dusty vestry books, looking misty and sentimental. I could reopen the church. Not just reopen, but…” He sat straight. “I have an idea…but I’ll need assistance.”
She held out her hand. “Just ask. That’s all you’ve ever needed to do.”
He clasped his sister’s hand in his own. “Will you come with me to Bromton Castle?”
“You’ll make things right with Bromton, then? With Markham?”
“I will do what I can.”
He had chosen light.
He had chosen Julia.
OceanofPDF.com
Chapter Nineteen
Julia sat within the circle of her sister’s embrace and cried. Katherine—sweet Katherine—her scent conjured untold comfort. For every scowl, every scold, Katherine had always provided equally strong words of encouragement.
To Julia, the worst thing Markham had said today was that she’d broken Katherine’s heart. However, Katherine didn’t appear broken at all. In fact, the moment Julia and Markham had arrived, Katherine had simply held out her arms.
Slowly, Julia sat up. Love that bared and believed all things…she hadn’t been born with an understanding of such love, had she? She’d been bewildered and confused by her father. Still, she’d learned to love from her siblings.
