Giles blinks. “What do you mean?”
“Well, for one thing I couldn’t sit or stand still. Like, it was physically impossible. That side of things has gotten better in the last ten years.Apparently, it’s possible to grow out of the hyperactive side of ADHD although I still struggle to be completely still.” I point to my shaking leg.
Giles smiles at it. “I didn’t even notice.”
“Well, most people do. Nowadays, my biggest struggle is with the concept of time. I forget about things or actively put them off unless the deadline is right this minute. Like I don’t really get things done unless they’re really urgent or someone else holds me accountable.
“After about a year or so of working in the café, Mum and Dad tried leaving me in charge for a few hours at a time and it was just a complete disaster. Like what I said about time being a difficult concept for me, you know?” Giles nods and I can tell he’s listening to every word. “Mum and Dad saw me struggling with that and also sleep was difficult for me. Like I’d be up all hours and find it impossible to wake at a decent time. I tried everything to try to fall asleep at a better hour, but nothing worked. My brain just wouldn’t switch off.”
“That’s tough,” Giles says and his voice is a little croaky.
“So, Mamma convinced me to go to our GP about it and when I did, they had the answer almost straight away. I’ve been on some sort of medication ever since, although I take quite a low dose now.”
“But it helps?”
“Yeah, it does. It sort of silences the wilder parts of my brain, if that makes sense. I still struggle with focus and I still stay up too late sometimes but these days it’s not because I can’t switch my brain off. It’s because I’m just an idiot who likes playing video games or watching porn.”
Those last two words land with Giles and he coughs, nearly choking on his latte.
“Sorry,” I say and I slap him on the back, trying to help but pretty sure I make it worse.
“It’s okay!” He holds his hands up. “I mean, I’m sure you’re not the only one.”
“You’re not a fan?” I ask, now a bit concerned I’ve dropped in his estimations for admitting that.
“I wouldn’t say fan, but yes, porn has its uses.” Giles’ eyes slide from side to side.
“I’m curious,” I say and I am only partially aware of what I’m doing, running with a question the second it pops into my mind, even though it may be a question I shouldn’t ask. But still I bulldoze my way into asking it. “What kind of porn do you watch? Being pansexual and all? Do you like a bit of everything?”
Giles’ reaction – blushing cheeks, twitching moustache and downcast eyes – make me realise that was absolutely a question I shouldn’t have asked.
“Sorry,” I say quickly. “Ignore me. That’s another ADHD thing. I sometimes don’t have a filter when I really need one.”
“No, it’s okay. I just…” Giles drops his voice. “I haven’t watched porn in a long time.”
“Fair enough,” I say and I start thinking about other things to talk about now I’ve nearly made it so awkward that Giles will never want to train with me again, which would honestly be a great shame. I’m still waiting for my hyperfocus to kick in for exercise. One downside of my medication is that it can numb that side of things for me.
I’m just about to ask Giles what TV shows he’s been watching recently when a figure creates a shadow over our table.
“Hi,” a tall man with a deep voice says. I look up and take in what must be at least 6’5” of lean muscle in running shorts and a T-shirt. There are very professional-looking sunglasses perched on the man’s closely cropped afro and he has a wide smile with dimples in both cheeks. “Sorry to interrupt, but I saw you running in Hyde Park…”
I blink and for a single stupid second I think he’s talking to me. I think this man, who I can say very objectively is ridiculously attractive, is saying that he noticed me running in the park, and not because I looked like I wasabout to cough up a lung. But then I follow his gaze and find it firmly fixed on Giles and I realise what a ridiculous concept that would be.
The man continues to talk. “And I, well, I never do this, but I was wondering if I could get your number. And name, of course.”
I turn my head to study Giles who is looking up at this handsome specimen and is clearly a little lost for words.
“I’m Jeremy.” The man holds out his hand and his smile gets bigger and even more attractive.
Fuck this guy.
The thought enters my mind like a dagger, sharp and shocking.Where the fuck did that come from?
“Giles,” He holds out his hand and squints up at the man who’s so tall his head lines up with the bright sun in the sky above us.
“Pleasure to meet you, Giles,” Jeremy says and is it unfair if I describe his voice as sounding a bit smug, a bit slimy? Probably.
I watch as Giles’ hand slides into Jeremey’s grip and I can tell the tall man squeezes Giles’ palm by the tension in his forearm. They smile at each other as their handshake seems to continue an unnecessarily long time.
