“Er, not recently but yes, after my last… sexual partner. Before you. I go fairly regularly. Or I did when I was, more active.”
“So your results were negative?”
“Yeah.”
“I got tested last week. And I got a prescription for PrEP.”
Giles’ jaw drops. “You did?”
“Yeah, I haven’t started taking it. I guess if you’ve had the all clear and we’re monogamous then there’s no need.”
“No, I guess not.” Giles’ eyes glaze over but it’s not a fog like I’ve seen before. More a syrupy sheen.
“So, shall I go get ready?”
He doesn’t reply. Instead he dives into my neck and tickles the skin there with his lips, teeth and moustache. “I can’t believe you want to be my boyfriend.”
“I can’t believe you want to be mine.”
“I’ve never wanted anything more,” he replies before our mouths find each other again.
*****
Thirty minutes later and I can confirm that douching is one of the most boring activities I have ever undertaken. It’s a true test of my medicine to stay focused on the task in hand and I can’t honestly say the reward of seeing the water run clean is even worth it. But maybe getting fucked by Giles will be.
That gives me a bounce in my step as I walk back to Giles’ bedroom in my boxers and with my other clothes bundled in my hands.
“I’m sorry that took so long,” I say when I see him stretched out on his bed, his waistcoat and socks off. His feet are crossed and I suddenly want to put his big toe in my mouth which is something I have never wanted to do to anybody, ever. But then my attention is quickly pulled to the fact that the three top buttons of his shirt are undone and I itch to slide my hand into the V-shaped gap they make. It’s only been a day since I’ve touched his smooth skin but I’ve missed it.
“I’ve been waiting for this, for you for a long, long time. Half an hour is nothing.”
I give him a one-shoulder shrug. “But we said it ourselves. We’ve only been hanging out for a month.”
He shakes his head and gives me a meaningful look. “No, Marcello, I’ve been waiting for you my whole life. I’ve never felt about anybody the way I feel about you.”
And that doesn’t only stop words from leaving my lips, it stops all thoughts in my mind too, which is nothing short of a miracle.
“Come here.” He holds out a hand, beckons for me.
I pause, wanting to hold onto this clarity of mind. Wanting to memorise the way he looks reaching out for me. Never wanting to break whatever spell this is that has me feeling like, when I take his hand and climb onto the bed next to him, I’m coming home.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Giles
We’ve done this enough times now that it feels familiar, but even that is startling, new, so fucking exciting. The touch of his hand on my back as we kiss and his fingertips pressed into my flesh. The taste of his tongue and mouth – coffee, pastry and a warm summer evening. The noise he makes as our teeth clash and our erections press against each other through clothes I’m desperate to remove.
But there’s something very different about what’s happening now. It’s like a filter has been removed. Like a veil has been lifted and I get to kiss him and touch him and hold him in a new reality for the first time. I’m not here to teach him anything. He’s not here because he wants to learn how to do this. We’re together because we want to be.
My brain snags on the fact that what we revealed to each other actually means that it was always like that. We were both always where we wanted to be, but we were lying to each other, and maybe also to ourselves.
What a mess.
And maybe we’re not out of that mess. We haven’t talked about what a relationship between us would actually look like. I don’t know what Marcello expects or wants from me, and I don’t know if he knows just how hard I’ve fallen for him, but there’s time for that. We may not be as young as we once were, but we still have time.
Right now, I only want to focus on his body and his pleasure.
I do so by diving my hands into his boxers and grabbing handfuls of his backside. The flesh there is soft but when I squeeze more, I feel the muscle too. I love how his butt is covered in a dusting of dark hairs and Ifind them lining his crease too. I slide an experimental finger down the valley between his buttcheeks and then pull my mouth away from his.
