“That’s it?” Something new surged through his veins. Panic still, but a red-hot anger on top of it. “You’re telling me we’re done because of my job? You’re chickening outbecause of my job.”
“Chickening out ofwhat? What are we, Lance? Because last I checked, I was just something for you to do while you got over being dumped.”
He tensed. “You can stand there and say that with a straight face after everything we’ve been through together?”
“You gonna stand there and pretend you love me?” Her voice was soft, but strong as only Kaci could be. “Because if you can’t stand there and tell me you love me, if you can’t promise me you’ll putusfirst, if I can’t be your world and your galaxy and your universe, then there’s nowhere else for us to go. I can’t be your friend, Lance. I love you too much to settle for less than everything.”
He felt as though someone had taken a jackhammer to his heart. “I’m not saying I don’t—” He swallowed hard. His gut churned. Was that fear? Dread? Guilt? “We’ve barelyknown each other two months,” he tried.
She blinked rapidly against shiny eyes. “What was that you said a minute ago?After all we’ve been through? And that’s the best you’ve got? Go to hell, Lance Wheeler. I’m sure I’ll see you there someday.”
The door slammed with the staccato bang of a gunshot, and Lance found himself nose-first in her sign for her damn club.
He balled his hands into fists and barely held back from banging on the door. Punching the wall. Punching himself.
She was right.
He wasn’t in love with her.
And if she was crazy enough to think friendship had to equal love, then he was better off without her.
No matter what that bitter taste in his mouth, the sour roiling in his stomach, and the raw wounds on his heart suggested.
20
Lance had been on enough deployments the past five years to know the routines.
Despite his issues since Friday, his pre-deployment checklists were done, checkrides all signed off, bags packed, and the normal anticipation was licking at his heels. He knew his mission, and he knew he needed to be ready to get out there and get troops and supplies where they needed to be.
But Wednesday morning, while family and friends gathered on the flight line for one last goodbye before the squadron went wheels-up, something was missing.
Allison had been there for Lance’s past twodeployments, but he didn’t miss her today. She’d always been pragmatic—Not like you and Goose are battling the MiGs, she’d joked both times.You’ll be home soon.
He’d shrugged off the comparison both times too, though he hadn’t forgotten it. His passion for being in the air wasn’t about beingTop Gungreat. Didn’t have any need to prove he was the best. He just wanted to be one with the sky, serving his country.
Today, his parents weren’t coming either. He had a better shot of running into Cheri overseas than he did of seeing her here stateside. Neither of which bothered him—yeah, he was missing the holidays this year, but so was Cheri. They’d go home together and celebrate in the spring.
He skimmed a glance about the crowd, ears tuned for a sassy twang, even though he knewshewasn’t coming either.
She’d said as much last night.
And now, there was a hollow spot under his breastbone, and he felt as though he were leaving things unsettled here.
He’d miss her.
“You want me to send pictures of the pool parties?” Juice Box asked with a smirk.
God help him, he was leaving his house in Juice Box’s care. “You’ll freeze your nuts off.”
“Depends on who I bring with me.”
“So much to learn, Juicy. So much to learn.”
Juice Box angled closer and dropped his voice. “You nervous?”
He had been on his first deployment, and he had no doubt that was what the kid was thinking about. He’d taken Lance’s spot in the next rotation so Flincher wouldn’t have to deploy again before he got orders to a new base. “Old hat by now. I’ll show you around when you get there. But I’ll fly back over there and kick your ass if I get homeand find my house broken.”
Juicy’s brows relaxed. So did his shoulders. “Cranky old man.”
