To assure him hehadn’thurt her.
But the sign on the door wasn’t reassuring.
Her smile melted off her face when her gaze landed on him. “Evening, Captain.”
He opened his mouth, but, “Hey,” was all that came out.
She lifted her brows.You got something to say, or you come here to take in the scenery?She didn’t say it, but he heard it anyway. If his heart hadn’t sped up and his gut twisted, he might’ve smiled.
“Just wanted to check on you,” he said. “You doing okay?”
Blue sparks flashed in her eyes, but the fluttering of her pulse in that soft spot of her neck told him she was just as uneven as he was. “With my cat dying, or with finding out afrienddidn’t think it was worth telling me he was leaving the country soon?”
“Yes.”
“Let me ask you, sugar. How would you be doing?”
Damn shitty, if he were being honest. “I asked around my squadron. Got a buddy who’s almost as good a pilot as I am who’s happy to go to Germany with you if you want. I’d trust him with my life. And I’ll pay for his hotel room.”
“Sweet of you, but there’s no need. I’m perfectly capable of getting on an airplane by myself.”
Her pupils had dilated and her breathing was shallow, but she blinked twice, then lifted her nose and stared him down as ifshe were daring him to call her on showing an ounce of fear.
“I’d go with you myself if I could,” he said. Hell, hewantedto go with her. He wanted to hold her. Kiss her. Spend a wholeweekin a hotel with her. Yeah, he’d have to give her up during her conference hours, but he’d go to whatever parts of the conference he could. Watching her give a keynote speech about her research sounded oddly erotic.
“Like I said. No need. Anything else I can help you with tonight?”
This wasn’t sass. This was bullheaded push-through-it-until-he-goes-away. “Kaci, look, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about my deployment. I didn’t think we’d get as…close as we did.”
She pursed her lips together. Her chest rose and fell quickly beneath her James Robert College sweatshirt, and her fingers curled into a ball.
“I’ve missed you,” he said.
“You need to leave.”
The strain in her voice twisted a screw in his heart. “If I’d known it was important to you, I would’ve told you I was leaving. I didn’t realize—Iignoredthat it was important. And I’m sorry. If I could change it?—”
“You can’t, Lance. You can’t change it. And you can’t change me, and you can’t change you. So I’m gonna tell you the same thing I told my ex-husband this week. You need to go. I need to move on. You need to move on. And you standing here won’t change that.”
His knees wobbled, and lightning shot through his veins. She was dumping him. Truly, finally, without question.
They weren’t even together, but she was dumping him. “Kaci, you are the smartest, funniest, craziest woman I’ve ever met.”
“Don’t do this,” she whispered.
He swallowed. This wasn’t happening. Twowomen, polar opposites, both wanting nothing to do with him in the span of less than three months. “I love spending time with you. I thought you liked hanging out with me too. Can we—all I’m asking is for some time. Some ofyourtime. I want to call you. I want to send you email. I want to—I want to see you when I get back. You’re…” What? Special? How cliché could he get? “You’reyou. And I’m not ready to let you go.”
“To what end?”
To having her in his life. In his home. In his bed.
Every night. “I-I don’t know.”
“You know what I know?” Her lower lip trembled. “I know I told you I need you. I know you know I don’t needanyone. But when I need you, you’re gonna be halfway around the world, serving your country. And the next time I need you, you might be there, or you might not. Depends on whatthe military needs from you. And that’s real honorable of you. But I’m not honorable. I’m selfish. I want to come first. When I finally hit that brick wall, when I have to get on another plane, when I’m sick, when someone I love dies, when my life falls apart, Ineedto come first. So long as you’re married to Uncle Sam, you can’t promise me that. So I’m gonna keep on taking care of me. And I’m gonna wish you the best, but this? Us? It can’t be anymore.”
Panic scrambled his brain cells. “Kaci, you are the strongest woman I know?—”
“I play a good game. That’s it. You of all people should know that. And if you don’t, then I guess I probably don’t know you all that well either.”
