As soon as I figure out what needs to be solved.
Whoneeds to be solved.
Then, nothing’s stopping me from taking care of shit.
“What happened?” Addie’s saying as I climb into the passenger seat.
Closer to the house if I need to find someone.
“He wouldn’t quit dancing so close,” Paisley whispers.
“Who?”
“This dumb jock.”
“What sport?” I ask.
Addie shoots me ashut uplook that sears my soul.
Not because I can’t handle her taking care of Paisley.
More because that fear is sitting just underneath my heart.This is it. This is her excuse to leave me. This is how it gets fucked up.
I’ll do something wrong.
She’ll think this never would’ve happened if we hadn’t been ignoring the rest of the world in favor of each other.
“Did he hurt you?” she asks Paisley.
My niece shakes her head. “He just…scared me. It’s dumb. It’s?—”
“Your safety is not dumb,” Addie says.
Paisley makes a noise.
“No, look at me. You get to feel safe. Okay?”
Paisley’s chin wobbles as she stares at Addie.
“You deserve to feel safe,” Addie repeats. “You get to take up space. You get to have needs. You deserve to be happy. And youdo not ever,everhave to apologize for any of that, or minimize the bad things other people do to you.”
It’s the second time she’s said it, and it hits me harder this time.
Addie’s been through bad things. Likely things just like this. And I want to hide both of these two women away from the world so nothing can hurt them ever again.
But neither would let me.
And they shouldn’t.
They shouldn’t.
They deserve to experience the world and play ball and dance and party and have fun, and they deserve to do it safely.
And I want to be there for both of them, every minute, making sure nothing hurts them.
But I can’t.
I can’t.
