RugbyFletch: Don’t you?
CoachGoldie: Why do you need a PR person? Does this have to do with why you were kicked off the Leopards?
RugbyFletch: Check your sources, Hummingbird.
CoachGoldie: Speaking of my sources, what’s your version of why you and my brother hate each other?
RugbyFletch: He’s a whiny-ass baby.
CoachGoldie: And you’re a paragon of maturity…
RugbyFletch: My ego gets left in the changing room when I step out onto the pitch. SOME PEOPLE have yet to learn how to do that.
CoachGoldie: *video of Fletcher having a hissy fit on the pitch in the middle of a match*
RugbyFletch: Not ego. Appropriate reaction to a shitty illegal tackle that hurt one of my mates and ultimately cost us the match.
CoachGoldie: So your ego has nothing to do with wanting to win?
RugbyFletch: Everybody wants to win. Basic human nature. Ego is thinking I’m the best at what I do.
CoachGoldie: I’m going to sit here a minute and let you read that back to yourself. Possibly several times.
RugbyFletch: I AM the best at what I do. But I also BELIEVE that my teammates are the best at what THEY do, and we’re better when we all do our best TOGETHER. Except your brother. He’s a spoiled ass who’s wasting his potential thinking being a rugby god is the same thing here as being a hockey or football god. And don’t get me started on the number of illegal tackles he had called on him last year. Which has no reflection or bearing on you, as you are two separate people who did not choose to share a gene pool.
CoachGoldie: Huh.
RugbyFletch: What?
CoachGoldie: Am I talking to Fletcher Huxley or his PR person?
RugbyFletch: *selfie of himself lifting a middle finger sideways to cover some of his mustache*
CoachGoldie: Thank you. I appreciate the clarification.
RugbyFletch: How do you feel about carousels? There’s that big one at Reynolds Park. And it’s next to an ice cream stand. We could eat and then ride and puke.
CoachGoldie: That would be on-brand with how we met.
RugbyFletch: I appreciate your openness to continuing to include bodily fluids and functions in our arrangement.
CoachGoldie: Okay. I get it now. I see why the PR person is necessary. Kudos to you for recognizing your shortcomings.
RugbyFletch: Mock all you want, but you’ll know who brought the fans to the stadium when I’m done with my plans.
CoachGoldie: Did your PR person recommend the mustache and the sweatpants too?
RugbyFletch: This mustache has done more to pad my bank account than three years’ worth of my UK rugby salary.
CoachGoldie: That German car company paid you that much?
RugbyFletch: You watched my car commercial?
CoachGoldie: Silas kept annoying me, so I kept googling you.
RugbyFletch: Your relationship with your brother might need a PR person.
CoachGoldie: He’s my toughest client and I love a challenge.
