I’d say I’m not panicking, but my eyes are stinging and my voice is already high pitched and I’m having a massive anxiety attack because I’ll be alone in less than two years.
Junie would take the dog. She would absolutely take the dog. I couldn’t keep her dog and not let her play with it and see it every day.
We don’t evenhavethe dog, and I’m panicking at the idea of both of them being gone.
“Are you getting up?” I ask.
“No.”
“Okay. Okay. If you change your mind, I’ll be out in the bunkhouse working on a few things. Call if you need me.”
She doesn’t answer.
She’s already asleep again.
Maybe faking it. Maybe not.
“I feel a lot better today, and I won’t push myself or hurt myself,” I whisper quietly as I rise off her bed.
Her shoulders melt just a little more into her mattress.
Swear I’m not imagining that.
And I suddenly freeze at one more thought that I hadn’t considered about her sleeping in so late.
Was she up checking on me all night?
Did she fall asleepat allbefore dawn?
I should’ve let Charlotte stay over when she offered.
“Love you, Junie,” I whisper. “Thanks for being the best Juniper on the planet.”
“Only Juniper,” she mutters.
“Damn right.”
I toss on work clothes and head out the door and across the scraggly field toward the bunkhouse. My phone’s in my pocket. It’s borderline chilly, and I heard one of the parents say yesterday that we could get our first snowfall sometime in the next couple of weeks.
Junie’s right.
We should get a dog. One dog for her now, and when she goes to college, I’ll get another dog to keep me company.
Or a cat. Or maybe a talking bird.
Or maybe you’ll have guests on the ranch after fixing it up to its full potential,the voice I’ve been ignoring all morning whispers in my head.
And that’s why I’m at the bunkhouse.
I need to see it. Envision what it could be. Figure out which walls are load bearing. What the plumbing situation really is out here. Heating too.
Can I make this work?
Can I do it?
Could I turn the bunkhouse into a retreat center for women just like me?
For women like Charlotte and Regina who have been so consumed with taking care of their families that they’ve lost the rest of their identities to motherhood?
